icon Films On Freeview - Saturday 1st Apr 2017
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Shadow Dancer- (2012)
00:05 - 01:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
5.7/10 Stars

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An IRA member is arrested while attempting to plant a bomb on the London underground in 1993. A British intelligence operative offers her the chance to avoid a lengthy prison sentence and separation from her son by sending her back to Belfast to spy on her fellow militants - including her own family. Thriller, starring Andrea Riseborough, Clive Owen and Gillian Anderson.


Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery- (1997)
00:20 - 01:20 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
0.0/10 Stars

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Comedy thriller spy film, the cryogenically preserved secret agent Austin Powers is revived in the present day to save the world. Starring Mike Myers and Elizabeth Hurley. (1997)


Rising Damp- (1980)
00:40 - 01:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 3
5.3/10 Stars

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Seedy landlord Rigsby takes in a seemingly respectable new lodger who jeopardises his efforts to romance tenant Miss Jones - but the new arrival may not be all he appears. Meanwhile, the addition of a rugby playing art student to the house sparks a fitness craze that leads Rigsby to enter a boxing match. Comedy based on the 1970s sitcom, starring Leonard Rossiter, Frances de la Tour and Don Warrington.


Fire Down Below- (1997)
00:45 - 01:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
5.0/10 Stars

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An undercover government agent goes all out to stop a wealthy tycoon dumping toxic waste in abandoned mine shafts in the Appalachian Mountains. Action adventure, starring Steven Seagal, Kris Kristofferson, Harry Dean Stanton, Stephen Lang and Marg Helgenberger.


Battle Los Angeles- (2011)
00:55 - 02:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - Channel 4
5.5/10 Stars

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The Earth is bombarded by what appears to be meteors, but turn out to be the vanguard of an alien invasion force. As America's west coat comes under heavy attack, a platoon of soldiers is sent in to fight off the aliens and rescue civilians. The troops have only a few hours to complete their mission before the area is bombed. Sci-fi thriller, with Aaron Eckhart and Ramon Rodriguez.


Earthstorm- (2006)
01:00 - 02:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
4.0/10 Stars

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There are echoes of Armageddon in this daft and cliché-riddled sci-fi thriller, in which Earth's future is threatened when a huge asteroid destabilises the Moon. Enter demolitions expert Stephen Baldwin, who, after barely establishing his professional credentials in an overdone opening sequence, preposterously becomes humanity's only salvation from going "the way of the dinosaurs". Poor effects and nonchalant acting compound the narrative's lack of realism, making the supposedly dramatic events feel underwhelming and leaving it to the increasingly frenzied score to create tension. B-movie lovers might get a kick out of some of the hilarious dialogue and implausible science, but there's not enough here to encourage anyone else to bother watching.


Julia X- (2011)
01:00 - 02:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
4.3/10 Stars

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A woman goes on a blind date with a man she met on the internet, only to find he is a serial killer who holds her hostage and tortures her. She manages to escape his clutches before becoming the latest in a long line of murder victims, and vows to return and punish him for his crimes. Thriller, starring Valerie Azlynn, Kevin Sorbo and Ving Rhames.


Requiem for a Dream- (2000)
01:15 - 03:20 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
7.8/10 Stars

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Four drug-addicted people go into a downward spiral with devastating effects on their families. A woman takes diet pills in a bid to look slim for her appearance on a TV show, her heroin-addict son and his friend turn to crime to pay for their addiction, and one of the boys' girlfriends faces her own battle with narcotics. Darren Aronofsky's drama, based on the novel by Hubert Selby Jr and starring Jared Leto, Ellen Burstyn, Marlon Wayans and Jennifer Connelly.


Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery- (1997)
01:25 - 02:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
0.0/10 Stars

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Comedy thriller spy film, the cryogenically preserved secret agent Austin Powers is revived in the present day to save the world. Starring Mike Myers and Elizabeth Hurley. (1997)


Rising Damp- (1980)
01:45 - 02:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 3
5.3/10 Stars

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Seedy landlord Rigsby takes in a seemingly respectable new lodger who jeopardises his efforts to romance tenant Miss Jones - but the new arrival may not be all he appears. Meanwhile, the addition of a rugby playing art student to the house sparks a fitness craze that leads Rigsby to enter a boxing match. Comedy based on the 1970s sitcom, starring Leonard Rossiter, Frances de la Tour and Don Warrington.

Night Visitor- (2011)
02:00 - 04:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1971. Crime horror starring Max von Sydow, Trevor Howard and Liv Ullmann. Salem escapes from an insane asylum where he was confined for being an axe-murderer. Music by Mancini.

Halo 4: Forward unto Dawn- (2012)
02:30 - 04:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.4/10 Stars

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Military cadets train to fight against rebels forces among colonies on other planets. One of the trainees questions the worth of the conflict and his own fitness for battle, but is soon thrust into a deadly conflict with an alien race - and an encounter with a legendary war hero. Sci-fi adventure based on the video game series, starring Tom Green and Anna Popplewell.

Knight of the Plains- (1939)
02:45 - 04:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
6.4/10 Stars

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Probably the most interesting fact about this B-western for viewers today is that it was co-produced by the great comedian Stan Laurel. It's a very average tale, featuring former opera singer-turned-singing cowboy Fred Scott, who's aided and abetted in his battle against villain John Merton by comic sidekick Al St John. Laurel's involvement seems to have been purely financial, and this is no different from other Scott star vehicles: it's mercifully short and has a sort of period charm, but is unlikely to convert new fans. B-western aficionados, however, will be delighted that films like this are now resurfacing.

Almost Human- (2013)
02:55 - 04:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
4.5/10 Stars

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Two years after his friend mysteriously disappeared in a flash of blue light, a spate of murders leads a man to suspect his buddy has returned and something evil is inside him. Horror, starring Graham Skipper, Josh Ethier, Vanessa Leigh and Susan T Travers.

Lulu Belle- (1948)
04:00 - 05:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
6.5/10 Stars

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1948. Musical Drama. Lulu Belle (Dorothy Lamour), a small-time singer and voracious man-eater with a sordid past, sings in a cheap dive in Natchez, Mississippi, in the early 1900s.

Lies & Deception- (2005)
04:15 - 06:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
0.0/10 Stars

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Madchen Amick stars in this thriller as a widow who hires a private eye when she discovers her husband faked his own death five years earlier. (2005)

Colonel March Investigates- (0)
06:00 - 07:20 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1953. Crime drama starring Boris Karloff, Joan Sims and Richard Wattis. Colonel March runs the Scotland Yard office for the Department of Queer Complaints and investigates 3 strange crimes.

A Dangerous Profession- (1949)
06:00 - 07:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
5.5/10 Stars

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When the client of a professional bail-bondsman is mysteriously murdered, he is prompted to investigate, leading to unforeseen complications. Crime drama, starring George Raft, Pat O'Brien, Bill Williams and Ella Raines.

Beautiful but Dangerous- (1954)
07:00 - 08:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
7.0/10 Stars

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An heiress returns to her home town to shower gifts on the people who donated money in order for her to undergo a life-saving operation when she was a child. However, the woman is not prepared for the consequences of her good deed. Comedy drama, starring Jean Simmons, Robert Mitchum, Arthur Hunnicutt and Edgar Buchanan.

Impact- (1963)
07:25 - 08:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
4.6/10 Stars

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A crime reporter framed for robbery and sent to prison by a crooked club owner is released and immediately embarks on a campaign to clear his name. Thriller, starring Conrad Phillips, George Pastell and Linda Marlowe.

Brand of Hate- (1934)
07:35 - 08:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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Family complications lead to a group of cattle rustlers becoming entangled in a web of deceit and deception. Classic western action starring Bob Steele. (1934)

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman- (1993)
08:00 - 09:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
3.5/10 Stars

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Larger than life sci-fi starring Hollywood superstar Daryl Hannah. An abused heiress decides to get revenge on her husband after an alien encounter causes her to grow to the size of a giant. (1993)

We Dive at Dawn- (1943)
08:25 - 10:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
4.4/10 Stars

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This tense, no-frills British study of submarine warfare is packed with incident and period detail. Director Anthony Asquith sets the scene and establishes the characters during seven days' shore leave, before the crew members of the Sea Tiger embark on a dangerous mission to sink a Nazi battleship in the Baltic. John Mills invests his commanding officer with quiet dignity, leaving Eric Portman with the showier role as the German-speaking seaman who must try to save the day when the submarine runs out of fuel. But the movie really benefits from the little-known British character actors down the cast, whose portrayal of quiet heroism seems very credible indeed.

I'll Get You For This- (0)
08:40 - 10:20 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1951. Drama. Director Joseph M. Newman. Stars George Raft, Coleen Gray & Enzo Staiola. A gambler discovers he has been framed for the murder of a Treasury Agent and goes on a journey to clear his name

Anything For A Friend- (1973)
08:50 - 10:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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Gold fever hits the Rocky Mountains, but when two cowboys are robbed by a gang of outlaws they decide to fight back and take on the bandits. Stars Ettore Manni and Gordon Mitchell. (1973)

Her Best Move- (2007)
09:00 - 11:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
3.8/10 Stars

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A 15-year-old American girl has been trained all her life by her father to become a soccer professional, and her hard work looks set to pay off when a talent scout for the national squad comes to see her play. But her best friend thinks she needs to have more fun, and as she experiences life away from the pitch, she starts to wonder what she really wants. Comedy, with Leah Pipes, Scott Patterson, Lisa Darr and Lalaine.

Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back- (2010)
09:00 - 10:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - E4
5.0/10 Stars

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(2010) Animated adventure. When Comet the chimp accidentally presses the wrong button, he finds himself launched into space. Back on Earth, an alien tyrant is on the loose.

Anne of Green Gables- (1934)
09:40 - 11:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 3
3.5/10 Stars

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A brother and sister adopt an orphan, and end up with a precocious, freckle-faced girl. While the brother takes an instant liking to the cheerful new arrival, his sister is less than pleased, having wanted a boy. Her disappointment is further compounded when the youngster is wooed by a boy from a family she dislikes. Drama, based on Lucy Maude Montgomery's novel, with Anne Shirley and Tom Brown.

The Smallest Show On Earth- (0)
10:20 - 12:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1957. Comedy. Director: Basil Dearden. Stars Margaret Rutherford, Peter Sellers, Virginia McKenna & Bill Travers. A couple inherit a small cinema are shocked to find a decrepit building.

Cowboys & Indians- (2011)
10:40 - 12:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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When a beautiful girl is held captive by a band of Black Claw Indians, a former cavalry officer is reluctantly called back into service to rescue her. Stars Alvin Cowan. (2011)

Siege at Red River- (1954)
11:00 - 13:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
0.0/10 Stars

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(1954) Western. Van Johnson stars as a Confederate agent who steals a Gatling gun prototype from the Yankees and attempts to smuggle it south through enemy lines to his own side. [S]

Tea with Mussolini- (1998)
11:10 - 13:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
5.5/10 Stars

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Franco Zeffirelli here turns the camera onto his own life as a young boy growing up in Mussolini's Italy of the 1930s. Following his mother's death, the young Luca is rescued from the prospect of life in an orphanage by an eccentric group of expatriate women dubbed "Scorpioni". We assume Luca is Zeffirelli himself, not that he's the central character of the film - he's more the eyes through which we see these corseted and costumed women, who are like refugees from a Merchant Ivory drama. Judi Dench, Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith, Lily Tomlin and Cher give boisterously strong performances as the gaggle who gather over tea to gossip, and who act as unofficial minders and teachers to Luca. As it continues, the movie becomes a more conventional wartime story, ultimately making the drama a series of anecdotes rather than a rich character piece.

The Baby and the Battleship- (1956)
11:25 - 12:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 3
6.0/10 Stars

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It was in Malta, when shooting this picture, that Bryan Forbes coined his nickname for Richard Attenborough. "Bunter" he called him and "Bunter" he remained, owing to Attenborough's addiction to chocolate. Nowadays that little piece of trivia is of rather more significance than the movie, which is a juvenile comedy about an Italian baby smuggled aboard HMS Gillingham while the ship is docked in Naples. Joining Attenborough and Forbes in the cast are John Mills (of course) and Michael Hordern, who plays the captain. It's all too twee for words and the single joke is stretched almost beyond endurance.

The Night Caller- (0)
12:00 - 13:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
6.6/10 Stars

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1965. Sci-Fi directed by John Gilling and starring John Saxon, Maurice Denham and Patricia Haines. Aliens need to find mates from another world or they'll become extinct, they start with earth females

Columbo: Any Old Port in a Storm- (1973)
12:05 - 14:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - Five USA
0.0/10 Stars

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A vineyard owner's financial security is jeopardised when his playboy younger brother threatens to sell the family winery. He resorts to killing his sibling and rigging the death scene to look like a scuba-diving accident. However, the crumpled cop sees through the ruse and in the process reveals he is something of a wine buff himself. Detective drama, with Peter Falk, Donald Pleasence and Julie Harris.

Tall in the Saddle- (1944)
12:25 - 14:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
5.9/10 Stars

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If ever there was a title made for Big John Wayne, this is it. However, the Duke barely gets a look-in, as in reality it's more of a vehicle for his tempestuous co-star Ella Raines, who goes gunning for the Duke in order to woo him. George "Gabby" Hayes is in there, too, in a complex plot in which Wayne is framed for murder as he discovers Ward Bond's crooked plans to steal Audrey Long's ranch. But none of this matters, really. Edwin L Marin's direction is fast-moving, there are two terrific fist fights, and, for those of you who wondered exactly what Wayne got up to during the Second World War, this will answer your question. Incidentally, the screenplay is co-written by Paul P Fix, more usually an actor who often worked with the Duke, most notably in 1967's El Dorado.

The Baby and the Battleship- (1956)
12:30 - 13:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 3
6.0/10 Stars

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It was in Malta, when shooting this picture, that Bryan Forbes coined his nickname for Richard Attenborough. "Bunter" he called him and "Bunter" he remained, owing to Attenborough's addiction to chocolate. Nowadays that little piece of trivia is of rather more significance than the movie, which is a juvenile comedy about an Italian baby smuggled aboard HMS Gillingham while the ship is docked in Naples. Joining Attenborough and Forbes in the cast are John Mills (of course) and Michael Hordern, who plays the captain. It's all too twee for words and the single joke is stretched almost beyond endurance.

Beethoven's 2nd- (1993)
12:55 - 14:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV
5.0/10 Stars

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With the paw prints of 101 Dalmatians all over it, this cosy sequel sees the Newton children trying to hide a litter of ultra-cute St Bernard puppies from their still dog-shy father, Charles Grodin. While all eyes will be on the four pups (who were played by over 100 pooches at various times), let's not forget the amiable performances of Grodin and Bonnie Hunt, and the Cruella-like villainy of scheming Debi Mazar, who dognaps Missy (Beethoven's beloved) to use as a pawn in her divorce. The holiday finale is hopelessly contrived, but the whole still entertains. The song The Day I Fall in Love was Oscar nominated.

Catch That Kid- (2004)
13:00 - 14:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
5.2/10 Stars

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Its "crime does pay" message may be dubious for a family film, but this fast-paced adventure is still wonderfully entertaining. A Mission: Impossible-style action romp based on the Danish hit movie Klatretosen, it's both imaginative and exciting. Panic Room's Kristen Stewart plays a young girl who teams up with two male friends - computer whizz Austin (High School Musical's Corbin Bleu) and mechanic Gus (Max Thieriot) - to carry out a hi-tech bank heist to get the cash to pay for a costly operation for her paralysed father. Though the plot's far-fetched, the film's well-executed, skilfully balancing intelligence, suspense and humour. The acting, too, is highly engaging, with the lead characters' strong sense of loyalty and love helping to rationalise the tale's somewhat immoral undercurrent.

Working Miracles- (2010)
13:00 - 15:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
6.0/10 Stars

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A janitor wakes from a coma to discover he has gained the life-changing ability to heal people just by touching them. He soon becomes a minor celebrity, but the gift takes its toll on his health and relationship with his fiancee. Drama, starring Eddie Cibrian, Lisa Sheridan and Darcy Rose Byrnes.

Gypsy- (1962)
13:15 - 15:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
5.4/10 Stars

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Musical about striptease artist Gypsy Rose Lee and her relationship with her ambitious mother, who was determined to make stars of both her daughters. The only place Rose can find work is in a burlesque house, where the established strippers help her make it to the top. Starring Rosalind Russell and Natalie Wood. Stephen Sondheim's songs include Everything's Coming Up Roses, Let Me Entertain You and Small World.

Man In The Moon- (0)
13:40 - 15:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1960. Comedy. Directed by Basil Dearden and starring Kenneth More, Shirley Anne Field and Michael Hordern. Scientists are looking for the perfect man to send to the moon.

Out of Africa- (1985)
13:45 - 17:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.8/10 Stars

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Fact-based romantic drama based on the life of writer Karen Blixen, who, after relocating from Denmark to a farm in Nairobi for a marriage of convenience, embarked on a passionate and ill-fated love affair with an idealistic British adventurer. Starring Meryl Streep, Robert Redford, Michael Kitchen, Klaus Maria Brandauer and Leslie Phillips.

Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked- (2011)
13:55 - 14:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
0.0/10 Stars

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Animated comedy sequel starring Jason Lee and David Cross. The Chipmunks and Chipettes go overboard during a cruise ship holiday and are washed up on a tropical island. (2011)

The Gunfight at Dodge City- (1959)
14:15 - 15:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
7.5/10 Stars

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A gambler becomes the sheriff of a frontier town, planning to use his position to avenge his brother's murderers - but the arrival of a face from the past muddies the water, and leaves him doubting the identity of the killer. Western, starring Joel McCrea, Julie Adams, John McIntire, Nancy Gates and Richard Anderson.

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore- (2010)
14:15 - 15:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
5.0/10 Stars

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Animated action sequel starring Chris O'Donnell and Jack McBrayer. A feline spy goes rogue, forcing the cats and dogs to unite to stop her taking over the world. (2010)

Superman- (1978)
14:40 - 17:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV
6.8/10 Stars

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This big-budget, epic-scale version of the Man of Steel legend is irresistible, fabulous entertainment. The elegiac opening - from the destruction of Krypton via Clark Kent's early years in Smallville to his arrival at the Daily Planet in Metropolis - turns more traditional comic book when Clark falls for Lois Lane, before a bright and breezy confrontation with comedic criminal Lex Luthor. The deliberate clash of styles generates much excitement and, yes, you'll believe a man can fly. Christopher Reeve is perfectly cast (though Smallville fans may disagree) and as a spectacle it's a highly satisfying confection that has set the standard other comic-book adaptations must try to match.

Carry On Cleo- (1964)
14:45 - 16:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
6.1/10 Stars

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Mercilessly mocking Elizabeth Taylor's disastrous Cleopatra, this corking ancient history lesson was filmed at Pinewood on the very same sets and sees the Carry On team at the peak of its powers. It's hard to know where to start lavishing the praise. The puns have never been better ("infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!") and the sets are positively luxuriant despite being second-hand. Amanda Barrie is exquisitely dippy in the title role, and Kenneth Connor and Jim Dale do well as the Britons in the imperial guard. But topping them all are Sid James's lecherous Mark Antony and Kenneth Williams's snivelling Caesar.

Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked- (2011)
15:00 - 15:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
0.0/10 Stars

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Animated comedy sequel starring Jason Lee and David Cross. The Chipmunks and Chipettes go overboard during a cruise ship holiday and are washed up on a tropical island. (2011)

Hydra- (2009)
15:00 - 16:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
2.9/10 Stars

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A former Marine and three ex-convicts are kidnapped and used as prey for wealthy hunters on an island inhabited by a deadly hydra. Horror, starring Texas Battle, Dwayne Adway, Frank Alvarez and Ed Blinn.

Grave Secrets- (1992)
15:00 - 17:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
4.5/10 Stars

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Based on a true story. A couple plough their savings into a dream home - only to find that unscrupulous developers have built their house on top of an old graveyard. (1992)

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore- (2010)
15:20 - 16:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
5.0/10 Stars

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Animated action sequel starring Chris O'Donnell and Jack McBrayer. A feline spy goes rogue, forcing the cats and dogs to unite to stop her taking over the world. (2010)

Diana- (2013)
15:35 - 16:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.1/10 Stars

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Fact-based drama following the Princess of Wales in the last two years of her life. Under constant media scrutiny, she finds a new public role for herself as a patron of humanitarian causes, while secretly conducting a passionate affair with a Pakistani heart surgeon. Starring Naomi Watts and Naveen Andrews.

Revolt at Fort Laramie- (1957)
15:55 - 17:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
5.0/10 Stars

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When Civil War breaks out, a cavalry fort is divided according to the loyalties of its troops. Stars John Dehner. (1957)

Snowbound- (0)
16:00 - 17:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1948. Mystery drama. Directed by David MacDonald and starring Dennis Price, Herbert Lom and Robert Newton. A group of people search for Nazi treasure hidden in the Alps.

The Horse Soldiers- (1959)
16:00 - 17:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
6.9/10 Stars

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A Union cavalry officer is ordered to demolish a railway junction in the middle of Confederate territory, but finds his authority constantly challenged by a military surgeon assigned to accompany him. John Ford's Western, based on an actual Civil War incident, starring John Wayne, William Holden, Constance Towers, Hoot Gibson and Anna Lee.

Rango- (2011)
16:35 - 18:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
6.5/10 Stars

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A pet chameleon with an active imagination ends up lost in the desert. He makes his way to a lawless town of animals, where he is mistaken for a deadly gunslinger and made sheriff. He organises the townsfolk into a posse when bandits led by an evil rattlesnake steal their supply of water. Animated comedy, with the voices of Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher and Bill Nighy.

Diana- (2013)
16:40 - 17:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.1/10 Stars

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Fact-based drama following the Princess of Wales in the last two years of her life. Under constant media scrutiny, she finds a new public role for herself as a patron of humanitarian causes, while secretly conducting a passionate affair with a Pakistani heart surgeon. Starring Naomi Watts and Naveen Andrews.

2010: Moby Dick- (2010)
16:55 - 18:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
2.5/10 Stars

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Action thriller. Captain Ahab has an unhealthy obsession with tracking down a whale that once maimed him - how far will he go for revenge? (2010)

A Touch of Hope- (1999)
17:00 - 19:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
0.0/10 Stars

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Based on the autobiography by Dean and Rochelle Kraft, this TV movie tries to question accepted attitudes on science and spirituality through the story of Dean Kraft's gift for hands-on healing. Though Kraft initially saved his powers for emergencies, he soon began practising full time, only to be accused of quackery by the medical establishment. The finale, involving a comatose doctor's daughter, borders on the sentimental, but the compassion in Anthony Michael Hall's performance and the scepticism in Scott Davis Jones's script prevent it becoming too mawkish.

The Horse Soldiers- (1959)
17:05 - 18:25 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
6.9/10 Stars

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A Union cavalry officer is ordered to demolish a railway junction in the middle of Confederate territory, but finds his authority constantly challenged by a military surgeon assigned to accompany him. John Ford's Western, based on an actual Civil War incident, starring John Wayne, William Holden, Constance Towers, Hoot Gibson and Anna Lee.

Evan Almighty- (2007)
17:05 - 18:05 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
5.2/10 Stars

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Politician Evan Baxter is recruited by God for a special mission. A great flood is coming, and like Noah before him, Evan has to build an ark to protect the wildlife of the world from the impending cataclysm. However, convincing others that the end is nigh proves difficult. Comedy sequel to Bruce Almighty, starring Steve Carell, John Goodman, Lauren Graham and Morgan Freeman.

Madagascar- (2005)
17:15 - 18:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 1
6.5/10 Stars

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While not in the league as Shrek, this offering from DreamWorks Animation is serviceable family entertainment. Chris Rock and Ben Stiller provide the voices for Marty the zebra and Alex, a preening lion, who enjoy a comfortable existence in Manhattan's Central Park Zoo until Marty expresses a desire to return to the wild. What follows is a predictable but engaging series of mishaps that land the pair in Africa, along with anxious giraffe Melman (David Schwimmer) and straight-talking hippo Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith). The pace drags a bit in the last third of the movie and the attempts to infuse Marty and Alex's relationship with pathos are just too half-hearted and curiously uninvolving. But the film is always marvellous to look at and the sight gags come thick and fast. Among the highlights are Sacha Baron Cohen (TV's Ali G) as the funky but quite mad King of the Lemurs and a pair of posh British monkeys who propose a unique form of literary criticism.

Meet Joe Black- (1998)
17:15 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.9/10 Stars

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Brad Pitt stars as the Grim Reaper in this remake of the 1934 fantasy Death Takes a Holiday, giving ailing media magnate Anthony Hopkins an offer he can't refuse - extra life, provided Death can spend a few days living among mortals. However, no one is more startled by Pitt's arrival than Hopkins's beautiful daughter (Claire Forlani), because Death (who adopts the pseudonym "Joe Black") has taken over the body of the handsome stranger she met earlier in a coffee shop. Martin Brest's weepie is nicely played but overlong - especially considering the original zipped by in under 80 minutes.

Comanche Territory- (1950)
17:35 - 19:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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A treaty with the Comanche Indian tribe is put at risk when an opportunist and his sister plan to set up an illegal silver mine. Stars Maureen O'Hara and Macdonald Carey. (1950)

Bulletproof Monk- (2002)
17:55 - 18:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.0/10 Stars

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This martial arts fantasy produced by John Woo is based on a late 1990s cult comic book, and turns out to be a messy mix of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Matrix and Lost Horizon. The plot concerns an ancient life-prolonging Tibetan scroll that's protected by nameless monk Chow Yun-Fat (and, after an unlikely plot twist, his petty-pickpocket disciple Seann William Scott) and coveted by former Nazi officer Karl Roden. Combining daft fortune-cookie philosophy, overdone stunts and fluffed fight-choreography, music-video director Paul Hunter's cheesy fusion resembles a pilot episode for some badly acted mid-1970s clone of Kung Fu. Without even the slightest hint of knowing camp to save it, this comic-strip misadventure soon collapses.

Evan Almighty- (2007)
18:10 - 19:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
5.2/10 Stars

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Politician Evan Baxter is recruited by God for a special mission. A great flood is coming, and like Noah before him, Evan has to build an ark to protect the wildlife of the world from the impending cataclysm. However, convincing others that the end is nigh proves difficult. Comedy sequel to Bruce Almighty, starring Steve Carell, John Goodman, Lauren Graham and Morgan Freeman.

Too Many Crooks- (0)
18:30 - 20:15 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1959. Comedy. Directed by Mario Zampi and starring Terry-Thomas, George Cole and Sidney James. 'Fingers' runs an unsuccessful gang. When they decide to rob a wealthy man, things don't go to plan.

Iron Man 2- (2010)
18:30 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - E4
6.6/10 Stars

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There's plenty going on in returning director Jon Favreau's sequel to the smash-hit original, though it does feel like rather overfamiliar territory. Departing from the character's Marvel comic storylines, screenwriter Justin Theroux has Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr, good as ever) struggling with superhero fame, shattered relationships, governmental pressure and a debilitating form of blood poisoning. Meanwhile, Russian inventor Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) creates his own deadly suit and weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) provides him with the resources to smash Stark's vision of privatised world peace. It may lack the fresh irreverence and excitement of the first adventure, but there are noteworthy set pieces. Vanko makes a dramatic appearance at the Monaco Grand Prix and the finale sees a spectacular face-off at Stark Expo, where a chromium-suited James Rhodes (Don Cheadle taking over from Terrence Howard) joins in the deluxe CGI mayhem.

Runaway Bride- (1999)
18:45 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
5.7/10 Stars

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Julia Roberts, Richard Gere and their Pretty Woman director Garry Marshall were reunited for this predictable but well-played romantic comedy. Roberts stars as the small-town girl who has left three heartbroken men at the altar, and Gere plays the cynical columnist who's keen to see if she will actually tie the knot on her fourth attempt. Of course, you'll have worked out the ending before you reach the last line of this review. However, thanks to Roberts's deft comedic touch, a zippy script and some nice support from Marshall stalwart Hector Elizondo and the always reliable Joan Cusack, this is a sweet romance that will warm the cockles of wedding fanatics everywhere. Marriage phobics, however, should steer clear - they may well be converted.

The Bone Eater- (2007)
18:45 - 20:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
2.8/10 Stars

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Marrow-munching shocker with Bruce Boxleitner (TRON) and Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers). A Native American legend is unearthed, unleashing a vengeful skeleton-stealing killing spree on a small town. (2007)

Bulletproof Monk- (2002)
19:00 - 20:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.0/10 Stars

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This martial arts fantasy produced by John Woo is based on a late 1990s cult comic book, and turns out to be a messy mix of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Matrix and Lost Horizon. The plot concerns an ancient life-prolonging Tibetan scroll that's protected by nameless monk Chow Yun-Fat (and, after an unlikely plot twist, his petty-pickpocket disciple Seann William Scott) and coveted by former Nazi officer Karl Roden. Combining daft fortune-cookie philosophy, overdone stunts and fluffed fight-choreography, music-video director Paul Hunter's cheesy fusion resembles a pilot episode for some badly acted mid-1970s clone of Kung Fu. Without even the slightest hint of knowing camp to save it, this comic-strip misadventure soon collapses.

Titanic- (1997)
19:00 - 22:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Channel 4
7.4/10 Stars

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There are two love stories here: one is between James Cameron and a ship; the other is between society girl Kate Winslet and third-class passenger Leonardo DiCaprio. Cameron's script wouldn't have sustained Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh for 80 minutes, but, somehow, he and his magical cast revive that old-style studio gloss for three riveting hours. Titanic is a sumptuous assault on the emotions, with a final hour that fully captures the horror and the freezing, paralysing fear of the moment. And there are single shots, such as an awesome albatross-like swoop past the steaming ship, when you sense Cameron hugging himself with the fun of it all. At a cost of over $200 million, it's one of the most expensive movies ever made; it grossed nearly two billion dollars at the box office - a record. Winning 11 Oscars, it also shares - with Ben-Hur and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - the record haul of Academy Awards.

The Edge Of The Garden- (2011)
19:00 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
0.0/10 Stars

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Newly single Brian moves to an abandoned house in the country, where he starts communicating with a woman who lived there 50 years ago and died in mysterious circumstances. Stars Rob Estes. (2011)

Garage Sale Mystery- (2013)
19:10 - 20:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - Five USA
4.3/10 Stars

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A woman becomes fascinated by a series of burglaries sweeping her home town. She notices some of the stolen items turning up in the garage sales she frequents, and decides to put her keen eye for a bargain to the task of identifying the criminals. Crime drama based on Suzi Weinert's novel, starring Lori Loughlin and Rick Ravanello.

Gunslinger- (1956)
19:15 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
3.3/10 Stars

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1956. Western. Directed by Roger Corman. Stars John Ireland, Beverly Garland & Allison Hayes. When the sheriff of a town is slain by outlaws, his widow takes over as sheriff and cleans up the town.

Green Lantern- (2011)
20:00 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.1/10 Stars

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A cocky test pilot is given a mysterious ring by a dying alien and transported to another world, where he learns he has been recruited into a galactic peacekeeping organisation. He trains to use the incredible powers the ring grants him, and returns to Earth to defend it from a powerful force that feeds on fear. Sci-fi adventure, starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard and Mark Strong.

The Mask- (1994)
20:00 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
6.6/10 Stars

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Jim Carrey consolidated his "Ace Ventura" position as America's most successful comedian with this stunning tribute to the zany style of Tex Avery and other Warner Bros animators from the golden age of cartoons. Amazing computer-generated special effects drive this slick showcase for Carrey's explosively unpredictable talents, as he plays a mild-mannered banker who turns into a wild and crazy superhero when he finds a magical ancient mask. Highlights include the Bugs Bunny-style Cuban Pete routine, Carrey's pet dog donning the mask and gorgeous Cameron Diaz as the star's love interest. But mainly it's an excuse for Carrey to move with whirlwind speed, pop his eyeballs and swap parts of his anatomy for the cartoon equivalents in hysterically funny and tremendously imaginative ways.

What A Crazy World- (0)
20:15 - 22:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1963. Musical. Directed by Michael Carreras. Stars Joe Borwn, Susan Maughan, Harry H Corbett and Marty Wilde. An East End lad, Alf Hitchens, dreams of hitting the big time in the music business.

Garage Sale Mystery- (2013)
20:15 - 21:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - Five USA
4.3/10 Stars

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A woman becomes fascinated by a series of burglaries sweeping her home town. She notices some of the stolen items turning up in the garage sales she frequents, and decides to put her keen eye for a bargain to the task of identifying the criminals. Crime drama based on Suzi Weinert's novel, starring Lori Loughlin and Rick Ravanello.

Cannonball Run II- (1983)
20:30 - 21:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
5.6/10 Stars

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An assortment of daredevil motorists torments America's law enforcement officers while taking part in an illegal coast-to-coast race organised by an Arab sheik who is putting up the million-dollar prize money. Comedy sequel directed by the late Hal Needham, starring Burt Reynolds, Shirley MacLaine, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas and Frank Sinatra.

The Wolf of Wall Street- (2013)
21:00 - 00:30 - Sat 1/4/17 - Film 4
7.9/10 Stars

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A New York stockbroker rises from unemployment to become one of the richest men in the city's financial elite through an illegal scheme to defraud investors. His wealth brings him an outrageously debauched lifestyle, but comes at a price as the FBI become suspicious of his manipulation of the markets. Martin Scorsese's fact-based drama, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill and Matthew McConaughey.

The Last Rites Of Ransom Pride- (2010)
21:00 - 22:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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A mysterious woman embarks on a quest to bring home the body of her outlaw lover after he meets a violent death. Stars Lizzy Caplan and Kris Kristofferson. (2010)

Moneyball- (2011)
21:00 - 23:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
7.0/10 Stars

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The manager of a struggling baseball team faces disaster, as his star players are bought out by richer clubs and he is unable to afford to replace them. An economics student offers him a solution to his problems, finding a ground-breaking way to analyse the performance of cheaper players and combining their abilities to form a winning side. Fact-based drama, starring Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident- (2013)
21:00 - 23:05 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
5.6/10 Stars

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Hiking horror. Students visit the location of the infamous Dyatlov Pass incident to make a documentary, but as they reveal the secrets of what happened there things take a turn for the worse. (2013)

A Soldier's Love Story- (2010)
21:00 - 23:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
0.0/10 Stars

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Ten-year-old Jared finds his world turned upside down when his parents divorce and he moves to California with his mother. But after writing to a GI, Jared finds a new father figure in Vince. (2010)

The Transporter- (2002)
21:00 - 22:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - E4
6.5/10 Stars

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Lock, Stock's Jason Statham plays second fiddle to a battery of special effects in this high-voltage action thriller. He stars as a cool criminal driver who's paid to transport cargo - human, or otherwise - with no questions asked. When he violates his code by looking in one of the "packages" and discovers a Chinese girl (Shu Qi), he's forced to go on the run from his employers and the police. Amid all the posturing macho extravagance (car chases, mega-explosive stunt work), there's also a bizarre oil wrestling sequence, and one extraordinary moment where Statham kisses his enemy underwater to steal his breath! Clearly, action is all that counts here and the plot (something about Chinese immigrants and the slave trade) seems the last thing on director Corey Yuen's mind.

Green Lantern- (2011)
21:05 - 22:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.1/10 Stars

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A cocky test pilot is given a mysterious ring by a dying alien and transported to another world, where he learns he has been recruited into a galactic peacekeeping organisation. He trains to use the incredible powers the ring grants him, and returns to Earth to defend it from a powerful force that feeds on fear. Sci-fi adventure, starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard and Mark Strong.

The Mask- (1994)
21:05 - 22:05 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 2
6.6/10 Stars

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Jim Carrey consolidated his "Ace Ventura" position as America's most successful comedian with this stunning tribute to the zany style of Tex Avery and other Warner Bros animators from the golden age of cartoons. Amazing computer-generated special effects drive this slick showcase for Carrey's explosively unpredictable talents, as he plays a mild-mannered banker who turns into a wild and crazy superhero when he finds a magical ancient mask. Highlights include the Bugs Bunny-style Cuban Pete routine, Carrey's pet dog donning the mask and gorgeous Cameron Diaz as the star's love interest. But mainly it's an excuse for Carrey to move with whirlwind speed, pop his eyeballs and swap parts of his anatomy for the cartoon equivalents in hysterically funny and tremendously imaginative ways.

Cannonball Run II- (1983)
21:35 - 22:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
5.6/10 Stars

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An assortment of daredevil motorists torments America's law enforcement officers while taking part in an illegal coast-to-coast race organised by an Arab sheik who is putting up the million-dollar prize money. Comedy sequel directed by the late Hal Needham, starring Burt Reynolds, Shirley MacLaine, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas and Frank Sinatra.

Jimi: All Is by My Side- (2013)
21:45 - 23:35 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
0.0/10 Stars

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Biopic about rock star Jimi Hendrix's early years in 1966 and 1967, between the Cheetah Club in New York and London, until his triumph in Monterey. [HD] [2013] [S]

The Trap- (0)
22:00 - 00:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1966. Drama. Directed by Sidney Hayers and starring Oliver Reed, Rita Tushingham and Linda Goranson. A fur trapper takes a mute girl as his unwilling wife to live with him in his cabin in the woods

Jonah Hex- (2010)
22:10 - 23:10 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
4.4/10 Stars

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One of the lesser-known DC Comics characters is destined to remain that way thanks to this disjointed, off-putting paranormal western from Horton Hears a Who! director Jimmy Hayward. With his gift for talking to the dead, disfigured bounty hunter Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) seeks revenge on Southern general Quentin Turnbull (the hammy John Malkovich), who slaughtered his family and threatens post-American Civil War security. With its Wild Wild West mix of gothic gun-slinging and sci-fi weaponry, the script (from Crank duo Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who were initially in line to direct) fails to deliver even the cheapest thrills or heroic action, being neither spirited nor dark enough. The film is clearly stitched together from ruthlessly edited bare bones (it runs 81 minutes, including extensive credits), reducing plot coherence to a minimum as Hex's origin story lurches to the foreground after each explosive set piece misses its target. Megan Fox plays a hooker with a heart who's involved with Hex, but her character has little to do and is as unbelievable as this dull and messy ride through supernatural Clint Eastwood territory.

The Last Boy Scout- (1991)
22:40 - 23:40 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
6.5/10 Stars

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A private eye half-heartedly takes a job as bodyguard to a nightclub dancer. A shocking attack, however, forces him to take his duties more seriously, and before long he uncovers evidence of murder and corruption - all linked to the world of American football. Action thriller, starring Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Chelsea Field, Halle Berry and Noble Willingham.

Colombiana- (2011)
22:45 - 00:45 - Sat 1/4/17 - Channel 4
6.5/10 Stars

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A 10-year-old Colombian girl witnesses the murder of her parents at the hands of gangsters, but is rescued by her uncle, who takes her to the US and raises her to be a cold-blooded killer. Years later, she is still working for him as an assassin, but is secretly planning to avenge her parents' deaths. Action thriller, starring Zoe Saldana, Cliff Curtis, Michael Vartan and Lennie James.

$1000 On The Black- (1966)
22:50 - 00:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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A cowboy is released from jail after serving 12 years for a murder he did not commit. He was set up by his brother and now there is only one thing on his mind - revenge! (1966)

Working Miracles- (2010)
23:00 - 01:00 - Sat 1/4/17 - True Entertainment
6.0/10 Stars

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A janitor wakes from a coma to discover he has gained the life-changing ability to heal people just by touching them. He soon becomes a minor celebrity, but the gift takes its toll on his health and relationship with his fiancee. Drama, starring Eddie Cibrian, Lisa Sheridan and Darcy Rose Byrnes.

The Eyes Of Laura Mars- (1978)
23:05 - 01:05 - Sat 1/4/17 - Horror Channel
0.0/10 Stars

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Classic mystery thriller starring Tommy Lee Jones (Men In Black) and Brad Dourif (Child's Play). A noted fashion photographer learns that they can see through the eyes of a killer. (1978)

Jonah Hex- (2010)
23:15 - 23:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
4.4/10 Stars

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One of the lesser-known DC Comics characters is destined to remain that way thanks to this disjointed, off-putting paranormal western from Horton Hears a Who! director Jimmy Hayward. With his gift for talking to the dead, disfigured bounty hunter Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) seeks revenge on Southern general Quentin Turnbull (the hammy John Malkovich), who slaughtered his family and threatens post-American Civil War security. With its Wild Wild West mix of gothic gun-slinging and sci-fi weaponry, the script (from Crank duo Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who were initially in line to direct) fails to deliver even the cheapest thrills or heroic action, being neither spirited nor dark enough. The film is clearly stitched together from ruthlessly edited bare bones (it runs 81 minutes, including extensive credits), reducing plot coherence to a minimum as Hex's origin story lurches to the foreground after each explosive set piece misses its target. Megan Fox plays a hooker with a heart who's involved with Hex, but her character has little to do and is as unbelievable as this dull and messy ride through supernatural Clint Eastwood territory.

Populaire- (2012)
23:35 - 01:20 - Sat 1/4/17 - BBC 2
6.5/10 Stars

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A woman desperate to escape her small-town roots applies for a job as a secretary at an advertising agency. Her ability to type quickly catches the eye of an executive, who trains her to take part in a speed-typing contest. Comedy set in the 1950s, starring Deborah Francois, Romain Duris and Berenice Bejo. In French, English and German.

The Last Boy Scout- (1991)
23:45 - 00:55 - Sat 1/4/17 - ITV 4
6.5/10 Stars

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A private eye half-heartedly takes a job as bodyguard to a nightclub dancer. A shocking attack, however, forces him to take his duties more seriously, and before long he uncovers evidence of murder and corruption - all linked to the world of American football. Action thriller, starring Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Chelsea Field, Halle Berry and Noble Willingham.

The New Daughter- (2009)
23:50 - 00:50 - Sat 1/4/17 - 5*
5.2/10 Stars

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A writer moves to a rural house with his children, and his daughter becomes fascinated by a nearby burial ground. She begins to behave in a shocking and violent manner, leaving her father convinced she is being taken over by evil spirits. He delves into the history of the house to find the cause of the disturbance and save her from it. Horror, starring Kevin Costner and Ivana Baquero.

Mimic- (1997)
23:50 - 02:05 - Sat 1/4/17 - Sony Movie Channel
5.5/10 Stars

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In the same vein as The Relic and all those other movies about creepy-crawlies that go crunch in the night, this horror movie stars Mira Sorvino as an entomologist determined to find out exactly what has invaded the New York subway system. It's preposterous stuff, but the tale of oversized insects (a genetically enhanced species developed to eradicate an epidemic-spreading breed of cockroaches) is suitably gruesome and atmospheric thanks to Cronos director Guillermo del Toro's dark direction. Sorvino is believably tough, too, and smartly supported by Jeremy Northam, Charles S Dutton and Josh Brolin as potential monster munchies.