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Taxi- (2004)
00:05 - 01:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
4.9/10 Stars

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The 1998 French smash gets the Hollywood treatment in this rowdy reworking from Barbershop director Tim Story. With Luc Besson again attached as producer (he also wrote the original), this takes the knockabout stupidity to new levels. Thrown together by fate, useless New York cop Jimmy Fallon and speed-demon taxi driver Queen Latifah try to nab a gang of female Brazilian bank robbers, headed by supermodel Gisele Bundchen. All screeching brakes and no real excitement, this buddy movie is just a series of car chases linked together by tragically unfunny comedy. While Latifah's wannabe racing champion has an easy charm, not to mention all the best lines, Saturday Night Live comedian Fallon's dumb, Pee-wee Herman-style shtick is annoying and tired. But it's the gimmick of leggy lady felons that grates quickest, making this paper-thin farce even more superficial.


Lesson of Evil- (2012)
00:45 - 03:20 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
0.0/10 Stars

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A teacher returns to Japan and gets a job at a high school, where he becomes a popular and respected member of staff. However, the man is hiding the fact he is a sociopathic killer and resorts to murder when he becomes involved in blackmail and an illicit affair. Takashi Miike's horror thriller, starring Hideaki Ito. In Japanese.


Virus- (1998)
00:45 - 02:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
4.9/10 Stars

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Given John Bruno's pedigree as an Oscar-winning visual-effects artist and James Cameron protégé, one would hope his directorial debut offered up some dazzling thrills. However, not only is his sci-fi horror lacking in plot, but he also adds insult to injury by making the effects merely tarnished knock-offs of The Terminator, The Abyss and Aliens. The crew of a sinking tugboat takes refuge on a deserted Russian science vessel during a typhoon only to find it harbouring an alien energy force. Derivative of everything from Leviathan to Deep Rising, Bruno's hybrid mass of genre clichés simply joins the dots and only entertains on a schlock level. Jamie Lee Curtis, William Baldwin and Donald Sutherland give undistinguished performances in this terror tripe, with the final robot monster looking more like a mobile junkyard than anything truly scary.


Big Jim McLain- (1952)
00:55 - 02:20 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
6.3/10 Stars

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A zealous US government agent investigating un-American activities romances a suspected spy in the hope she will lead him to the mastermind behind a communist espionage ring operating from Hawaii. Drama, starring John Wayne, Nancy Olson, James Arness and Alan Napier.


Three Way- (2004)
00:55 - 02:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
4.8/10 Stars

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A man overhears a couple plotting a kidnapping, and decides to blackmail them. However, he makes the mistake of sharing the details of his scheme with three very different women, each of whom has their own reason for jeopardising the plot. Crime thriller based on Gil Brewer's novel Wild to Possess, starring Dominic Purcell, Joy Bryant, Ali Larter and Gina Gershon.


Man on a Ledge- (2012)
00:55 - 02:40 - Sat 25/2/17 - Channel 4
6.2/10 Stars

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An escaped convict climbs onto the outside of a skyscraper and threatens to jump. The police psychologist sent to talk him down begins to suspect there is an agenda behind this suspicious-seeming suicide bid, while the prisoner's brother takes advantage of the ensuing chaos to carry out a plan of his own. Thriller, with Sam Worthington, Jamie Bell, Elizabeth Banks and Ed Harris.


Taxi- (2004)
01:10 - 02:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
4.9/10 Stars

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The 1998 French smash gets the Hollywood treatment in this rowdy reworking from Barbershop director Tim Story. With Luc Besson again attached as producer (he also wrote the original), this takes the knockabout stupidity to new levels. Thrown together by fate, useless New York cop Jimmy Fallon and speed-demon taxi driver Queen Latifah try to nab a gang of female Brazilian bank robbers, headed by supermodel Gisele Bundchen. All screeching brakes and no real excitement, this buddy movie is just a series of car chases linked together by tragically unfunny comedy. While Latifah's wannabe racing champion has an easy charm, not to mention all the best lines, Saturday Night Live comedian Fallon's dumb, Pee-wee Herman-style shtick is annoying and tired. But it's the gimmick of leggy lady felons that grates quickest, making this paper-thin farce even more superficial.


Special Delivery- (2008)
01:50 - 03:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
0.0/10 Stars

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Courier Maxine Carter must deliver 14-year-old Alice, the spoiled daughter of one of China's richest businessmen, to her new home. But danger lurks around every corner. (2008)


The Gorbals Story- (0)
01:55 - 03:25 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1950. Drama. Stars Howard Connell & Russell Hunter. A Merton Park Studios Production. A young artist is almost driven to murder from the pressures of living in the Glasgow slum area.


The Day Time Ended- (1979)
02:35 - 04:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.5/10 Stars

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A modern solar powered house in the middle of a desert is suddenly sucked into a prehistoric time warp. Stars Jim Davis.


Twins of Evil- (1971)
02:45 - 04:30 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
6.6/10 Stars

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Identical twin sisters are sent to stay with their puritanical uncle, a fanatic determined to stamp out witchcraft - but one of them falls under a bloodsucking aristocrat's thrall, leading to a lethal case of mistaken identity. Hammer horror, with Peter Cushing, Dennis Price and Madeleine and Mary Collinson.


The Big Game- (1973)
03:25 - 05:30 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1995. Drama starring Gary Webster and Chris Jury. Factory worker and fly-by-night Jimmy loves a little flutter so when he receives an 'open sesame' to a big bucks game, he can't resist.


Ties That Bind- (2010)
04:05 - 06:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.8/10 Stars

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A woman leaves her peaceful suburban home for New York to settle the affairs of her best friend Rachel, who has just been murdered. She discovers there may have been more to the killing than the official explanation suggests - and realises her own life is also in danger. Mystery, starring Kristanna Loken and Warren Christie.


King of the Underworld- (0)
06:00 - 07:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
5.2/10 Stars

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1952. Crime. Director: Victor M. Gover. Stars Tod Slaughter, Patrick Barr, Tucker McGuire & Ingeborg Von Kusserow. A Crook is implicated in blackmail, Greed for emeralds, a secret formula and murder.


A Dangerous Profession- (1949)
06:00 - 07:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.5/10 Stars

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When the client of a professional bail-bondsman is mysteriously murdered, he is prompted to investigate, leading to unforeseen complications. Crime drama, starring George Raft, Pat O'Brien, Bill Williams and Ella Raines.


They Flew Alone- (1941)
06:30 - 08:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
6.0/10 Stars

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Fact-based drama telling the story of 1930s British aviation pioneer Amy Johnson, who made history with a series of record-breaking solo flights around the world, before going on to aid the RAF in the Second World War. However, her rise to public acclaim placed a strain on her marriage to a fellow pilot. Starring Anna Neagle and Robert Newton.

Not Wanted on Voyage- (1957)
07:35 - 09:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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A story about a luxury liner and a stolen necklace - sounds familiar? The script of Titanic might not be poetry, but it's a darn sight better than the drivel that passes for dialogue in this dismal comedy. Co-screenwriter Michael Pertwee enjoyed considerable success both before and after making a contribution to this venture, which is so unfunny that even gallant troupers Ronald Shiner and Brian Rix cannot conceal their dismay.

Knight of the Plains- (1939)
07:35 - 08:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
6.4/10 Stars

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Probably the most interesting fact about this B-western for viewers today is that it was co-produced by the great comedian Stan Laurel. It's a very average tale, featuring former opera singer-turned-singing cowboy Fred Scott, who's aided and abetted in his battle against villain John Merton by comic sidekick Al St John. Laurel's involvement seems to have been purely financial, and this is no different from other Scott star vehicles: it's mercifully short and has a sort of period charm, but is unlikely to convert new fans. B-western aficionados, however, will be delighted that films like this are now resurfacing.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow- (1999)
08:00 - 09:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
5.3/10 Stars

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This 1999 TV-movie take on Washington Irving's classic ghost story might be considered one of the most faithful adaptations, but it's also among the driest. Made the same year as Tim Burton's lavishly atmospheric version, the plodding period feature is dull and insubstantial in comparison. Brent Carver hams it up as New England schoolteacher Ichabod Crane whose rivalry for the affections of local girl Katrina Van Tassel leads him on the trail of the legendary Headless Horseman. Unfortunately, his bumbling eccentricity only exaggerates the film's overall tweeness, with stilted support and basic direction compounding the limp affair.

In Which We Serve- (1942)
08:10 - 10:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
5.9/10 Stars

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This wartime propaganda film is a thinly disguised take on the maritime exploits of Lord Mountbatten. Co-directed by the debuting David Lean and Noël Coward, it has matured to become a paean to a lost world. Told in flashback, as a group of stranded sailors await rescue after the sinking of their ship, the film is immensely moving, and contains definitive performances from Coward himself (his speech about his ship, the HMS Torrin, is a classic) and Celia Johnson, all chintz, beauty and stoicism in her film debut. Watch out, too, for screen bows from Richard Attenborough, Daniel Massey and an 11-week-old Juliet Mills. A box-office hit in its day, the film was awarded a special Oscar, to Coward for his "outstanding production achievement".

Brother's Outlaw- (1971)
08:50 - 10:30 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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Two brothers take revenge on a gang of outlaws when one of them is falsely charged with a robbery. Stars Tony Kendall. (1971)

Stepmom- (1998)
09:00 - 11:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.9/10 Stars

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Despite its unappealing title, this is an incredibly touching and sophisticated film about life after divorce that examines the tricky issue of bringing a new partner into the family set-up. As the girlfriend of divorcee Ed Harris, ambitious fashion photographer Julia Roberts is in unfamiliar territory and starts off on the wrong foot. Attempting to win over Harris's two children, she finds herself competing with their "perfect" mother, Susan Sarandon, and doing rather badly. However, when Sarandon falls seriously ill, the women must reappraise their priorities. Strong performances from actors who are not afraid to be unsympathetic and unpredictable narrative twists make this far from your average sentimental family drama. In what could have been a thankless role, Sarandon is the stand out as a woman who is dealing with the pain of being usurped as a wife and the fear of being usurped as a mother.

The Sword of Monte Cristo- (1951)
09:15 - 10:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
8.0/10 Stars

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A military captain is assigned to investigate a revolutionary movement in 19th-century France. A key member of the uprising is an aristocratic woman leading a double-life as a masked vigilante, and the officer is caught in a battle of wits with her for possession of a sword that is the key to finding a lost treasure. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Rita Corday and George Montgomery.

Gun Duel In Durango- (1957)
10:30 - 12:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
7.0/10 Stars

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A skilled sharp shooter decides to leave a gang of bank robbers to marry the girl he loves. Unfortunately the band of outlaws have other ideas. Stars George Montgomery. (1957)

Supersonic Saucer- (0)
10:55 - 12:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1956. Directed by Guy Fergusson and starring Marcia Manolescue, Gillian Harrison and Fella Edmonds. A group of schoolchildren come upon an alien from Venus, and help him against a gang of criminals.

The Violent Men- (1955)
11:00 - 12:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
5.6/10 Stars

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A ruthless cattle baron sets out to create his own private empire, no matter what the cost. When he resorts to murder, he makes an enemy of a civil war veteran, while his lust for power drives his wife into the arms of his younger brother. Western, starring Edward G Robinson, Barbara Stanwyck and Glenn Ford.

Hope and Glory- (1987)
11:35 - 13:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.0/10 Stars

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War may be hell if you're a grown-up, but it's a wheeze if you're nine years old and living in suburban London during the Blitz. Anyway, that's how it looks to the young hero of director John Boorman's whimsical, funny, nostalgic, semi-autobiographical memoir of family life in the Second World War. Sebastian Rice-Edwards gives an extraordinarily confident performance in the lead role, and he's matched by Geraldine Muir, playing his five-year-old sister. Sammi Davis as their rebellious elder sibling, meanwhile, gives a poignant portrayal of the teenager caught between sexual awakening and the savage truths of the day, especially in the scene when she informs her mother, Sarah Miles, of her intention to sleep with her Canadian soldier boyfriend. "We might all be dead tomorrow; just don't fall in love with him," sighs Miles. "Who said anything about love," snaps back Davis. The film is on the episodic side and Miles and Ian Bannen as the grandfather might both have toned down their eccentric portrayals a notch, but these are minor quibbles about a delightful movie. It was a personal triumph for Boorman: he received Oscar nominations for best film (as producer), best director and best original screenplay, while Philippe Rousselot's cinematography and Anthony Pratt and Joan Woollard's art direction/set decoration were also nominated.

What a Whopper- (0)
12:00 - 13:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1960. Comedy. What a Whopper is a comedy from former documentarist Gilbert Gunn. Adam Faith stars in this tale about a struggling writer who fakes photographs of the Loch Ness monster.

Free Willy 2: the Adventure Home- (1995)
12:00 - 13:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV
5.6/10 Stars

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After all the fuss that followed the revelation that the real Willy was being kept in less than adequate conditions, the producers of this sequel decided to take no chances and used mostly model whales. Unfortunately, they opted for a plastic replica plot, too, with Jason James Richter once more standing between the friendly orca and some unscrupulous adults, this time with sassy half-brother Francis Capra in tow. This is so full of sentiment, it makes Lassie movies look positively heartless; the recovery of the lost harmonica is bad enough, but that first kiss - yeucch!

Columbo: Uneasy Lies the Crown- (1990)
12:00 - 14:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - Five USA
0.0/10 Stars

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A dentist with gambling debts discovers his wife is having an affair with one of his patients and wants a divorce. He plans to get revenge by poisoning the lover with his wife's heart medication, so she will be suspected - but he reckons without the attentions of the crumpled cop. Crime drama, starring Peter Falk, James Read, Paul Burke, Jo Anderson and Nancy Walker.

The Raiders- (1963)
12:10 - 13:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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Wild Bill Hickock, Buffalo Bill and Calamity Jane attempt to get a railroad extended into Texas. Stars Brian Keith and Robert Culp. (1963)

CutThroat Island- (1995)
12:55 - 15:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
6.0/10 Stars

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This pirate picture from Renny Harlin has all the ingredients to shiver the timbers and also boasts the best treasure map ever seen on screen, yet it has gone down in history as one of the biggest box-office disasters of recent times. Geena Davis and Matthew Modine swagger with suitable bravado, but their performances are sunk by the predictability of the action. The storm, the sea battle, the swordfights and the romance all work like clockwork, so there's little suspense to transform familiar spectacle into edge-of-the-seat excitement. It's polished entertainment, but with a little more imagination it could have been exhilarating.

Waterloo- (1970)
13:00 - 15:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
7.0/10 Stars

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Napoleon returns from exile on Elba and regains control of the French army in a bid to reclaim his empire and depose the king. Meanwhile, the Duke of Wellington marshals the allied forces for the fateful battle to come and the day that will change the course of history. Epic drama, with Rod Steiger, Christopher Plummer, Orson Welles, Jack Hawkins, Dan O'Herlihy, Michael Wilding and Virginia McKenna.

Carry On Cleo- (1964)
13:05 - 14:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 3
6.1/10 Stars

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Mercilessly mocking Elizabeth Taylor's disastrous Cleopatra, this corking ancient history lesson was filmed at Pinewood on the very same sets and sees the Carry On team at the peak of its powers. It's hard to know where to start lavishing the praise. The puns have never been better ("infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!") and the sets are positively luxuriant despite being second-hand. Amanda Barrie is exquisitely dippy in the title role, and Kenneth Connor and Jim Dale do well as the Britons in the imperial guard. But topping them all are Sid James's lecherous Mark Antony and Kenneth Williams's snivelling Caesar.

Alvin and the Chipmunks The Squeakquel- (2009)
13:15 - 15:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - E4
0.0/10 Stars

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(2009) The trio of animated singing rodents return for another family adventure. This time they must cope with attending school and rivalry with a female singing group. [S]

War Paint- (1953)
13:50 - 15:40 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.8/10 Stars

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A US cavalry unit attempts to deliver a peace treaty to a prominent Native American chief. Stars Robert Stack. (1953)

Chariots of Fire- (1981)
13:50 - 16:30 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
6.6/10 Stars

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Unfairly dismissed by some as an empty exercise in cheap schmaltz, this has an old-fashioned innocence that celebrates the human spirit with a lot of careful detail. It's a powerful tale about two British athletes - one a contemplative Scottish missionary, the other an anxious Jewish student - aiming for glory in the 1924 Olympics, and it contains a compelling study of their characters and those of their competitors. Their experiences are drawn in thoughtfully by Hugh Hudson's direction and Colin Welland's Oscar-winning script. Indeed, it was Welland who exclaimed at the Oscar ceremony that "the British are coming!". The two British actors on screen here, Ian Charleson (the missionary) and Ben Cross (the student), prove that, at a time when British cinema had such talent to fall back on, Welland should have been right.

The Princess & The Pirate- (0)
14:00 - 15:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1944. Adventure. Director: David Butler. Stars Bob Hope, Virginia Mayo, Walter Brennan & Victor McLaglen. When pirates attacks cowardly actor Sylvester's ship, he isn't quite the hero he'd said he was

Carry On Cleo- (1964)
14:15 - 15:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 3
6.1/10 Stars

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Mercilessly mocking Elizabeth Taylor's disastrous Cleopatra, this corking ancient history lesson was filmed at Pinewood on the very same sets and sees the Carry On team at the peak of its powers. It's hard to know where to start lavishing the praise. The puns have never been better ("infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!") and the sets are positively luxuriant despite being second-hand. Amanda Barrie is exquisitely dippy in the title role, and Kenneth Connor and Jim Dale do well as the Britons in the imperial guard. But topping them all are Sid James's lecherous Mark Antony and Kenneth Williams's snivelling Caesar.

Harry and the Hendersons- (1987)
14:55 - 15:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
5.6/10 Stars

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A hapless family's camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours' suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall.

Meteorites!- (1998)
15:00 - 16:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
1.0/10 Stars

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Tom Wopat (The Dukes of Hazzard) and Roxanne Hart (Chicago Hope) struggle under the debris of this derivative disaster TV movie. When a meteorite shower wreaks havoc, the people of an Arizona desert town must band together to survive. Sadly, this lame movie has a vast, empty crater where the drama should be.

St Trinian's 2: the Legend of Fritton's Gold- (2009)
15:00 - 17:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - E4
5.4/10 Stars

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Those unruly schoolgirl sirens hunt for pirate treasure but end up searching for laughs instead in this very sloppy sequel to the 2007 revamp. Sagging under the weight of too much plot - Rupert Everett's headmistress Miss Fritton discovers she's related to an infamous buccaneer, so the girls go on a hunt for a treasure trove, but a woman-hating secret society wants to upset their plans - this sub-Carry On romp wearily coasts along on the lines of a rudimentary old-school farce rather than anything resembling wit. Everett's parody of Camilla Parker-Bowles feels stale this time around and Colin Firth's embarrassment at having to play the character's ageing love interest has clearly increased. Cast additions include Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding as a rock chick, which is hardly a stretch. Yet she's nowhere near as bad as the depressingly camp villain played by David Tennant, though he does sum up the lacklustre proceedings with the line "Oh, this is interminable".

Carry On Cabby- (1963)
15:15 - 17:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
7.2/10 Stars

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Proving a fare's a fare in love and war, the best of the black-and-white Carry Ons began life as a script by the then little-known Talbot Rothwell entitled Call Me a Cab. Having just parted company with regular scriptwriter Norman Hudis, producer Peter Rogers brought Rothwell into the fold and he went on to pen the next 19 films in the series. Pitting workaholic Sid James against the long-suffering Hattie Jacques, the battle between Speedee Taxis and Glamcabs is packed with hilarious incidents and cracking performances, not least from Kenneth Connor and Esma Cannon as the respective loyal lieutenants and Charles Hawtrey as the hapless Pintpot.

Ride a Crooked Trail- (1958)
15:40 - 17:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.4/10 Stars

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A bank robber is mistaken for a lawman and agrees to become the sheriff of a crime-ridden town in the hope of making money from his position - but the plight of a local orphan and an encounter with a local woman make him change his plans. Western, starring Audie Murphy, Walter Matthau, Gia Scala, Henry Silva, Joanna Moore and Eddie Little.

Step Up 3- (2010)
15:55 - 16:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
6.6/10 Stars

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Even if you've heard the one about the high-stakes dance contest that Manhattan street performers must win to hold onto their communal home, you've never seen it done quite like this. Not only does it hold up as a 3D experience with dance moves, bubbles, lasers and slush puppies fired from the screen. But it also works in terms of the high-voltage power given to all the dance styles showcased - hip-hop, tango, updated Fred and Ginger routines and a literal flashdance finish. Jon M Chu is back from directing the second in the franchise, but does little with the banal bumper-sticker dialogue ("We're part of something bigger") or a predictable plot that includes star-crossed romance, in-house sabotage and last-minute victory. Yet none of that matters when the appealing cast of characters spin, break and move to the music, providing jolts of pure feel-good adrenaline in an irresistible package where the excitement and energy is palpable.

Landfall- (0)
16:00 - 17:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1949. War. Director: Ken Annakin. Stars Michael Denison, Patricia Plunkett & Kathleen Harrison. At Coastal Command in Southern England, an RAF pilot is suspended after possibly sinking a British sub.

The Cimarron Kid- (1951)
16:00 - 17:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 4
7.1/10 Stars

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A gunslinging outlaw falls head over heels in love with a woman who persuades him to mend his ways and go straight - but only after one last heist. Western adventure, starring Audie Murphy, Beverly Tyler, James Best and Yvette Dugay.

Harry and the Hendersons- (1987)
16:00 - 17:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
5.6/10 Stars

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A hapless family's camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours' suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall.

King Solomon's Mines- (1985)
16:30 - 18:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
4.9/10 Stars

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A rugged soldier of fortune is hired to help a woman find her father, who is missing in the African wilderness. However, during his mission, he gets caught up in the search for a legendary treasure - and must fight for his life against cannibals, the German army and a long-standing foe. Action adventure based on H Rider Haggard's novel, with Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, Herbert Lom and John Rhys-Davies.

Lost in the Bermuda Triangle- (1999)
16:50 - 18:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
3.6/10 Stars

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A man is suspected of killing his wife during their second honeymoon, which they have made the mistake of taking in the notorious ocean region. Drama, starring Graham Beckel, Tom Verica, Christina Haag and Ron Canada.

Mr Popper's Penguins- (2011)
17:00 - 18:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
5.7/10 Stars

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A workaholic businessman always puts his job before his family until he receives an unexpected inheritance from his explorer father - six penguins. He abandons his plan to offload the birds to a zoo when he finds his kids love them, and sets about turning his New York apartment into a suitable habitat. Family comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Carla Gugino and Angela Lansbury.

Step Up 3- (2010)
17:00 - 18:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
6.6/10 Stars

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Even if you've heard the one about the high-stakes dance contest that Manhattan street performers must win to hold onto their communal home, you've never seen it done quite like this. Not only does it hold up as a 3D experience with dance moves, bubbles, lasers and slush puppies fired from the screen. But it also works in terms of the high-voltage power given to all the dance styles showcased - hip-hop, tango, updated Fred and Ginger routines and a literal flashdance finish. Jon M Chu is back from directing the second in the franchise, but does little with the banal bumper-sticker dialogue ("We're part of something bigger") or a predictable plot that includes star-crossed romance, in-house sabotage and last-minute victory. Yet none of that matters when the appealing cast of characters spin, break and move to the music, providing jolts of pure feel-good adrenaline in an irresistible package where the excitement and energy is palpable.

The Cimarron Kid- (1951)
17:05 - 17:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 4
7.1/10 Stars

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A gunslinging outlaw falls head over heels in love with a woman who persuades him to mend his ways and go straight - but only after one last heist. Western adventure, starring Audie Murphy, Beverly Tyler, James Best and Yvette Dugay.

Dirty Dancing- (1987)
17:05 - 18:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
6.9/10 Stars

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This feel-good dance drama works a curious charismatic magic and catapulted the then-unknown Patrick Swayze to stardom. It was intended as a low-budget filler, a tale of sexual awakening at a Jewish holiday camp in 1963, but it became a much-loved blockbuster and kick-started major industry careers for its production team. The casting is perfect, with Swayze playing the sexy bad boy dancing coach and Jennifer Grey as the feisty middle-class teenager, and their relationship never strikes a false note. But what really makes the film unmissable is the fabulous dancing - despite being highly erotic, it's never tacky.

Fort Yuma- (1955)
17:35 - 19:20 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.0/10 Stars

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When an Apache chief is killed in a fight with a settler, his son goes on the warpath, launching an attack on a supply train headed for Fort Yuma. The only survivors - an embittered officer, a scout and a female missionary - realise the war party plan to kill everyone at the fort, and face a tortuous journey to raise the alarm. Western, starring Peter Graves and Joan Vohs.

The Little Foxes- (0)
18:00 - 20:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1941. Drama. Director: William Wyler. Stars Bette Davis, Herbert Marshall, Richard Carlson & Teresa Wright. Aristocrat, Regina Giddens, will let nothing stand in the way of achieving wealth & power.

Jack and Jill- (2011)
18:05 - 19:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
4.2/10 Stars

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A successful advertising executive dreads the annual visit from his annoying twin sister, who this time refuses to leave. He fears she will ruin his chances of persuading Al Pacino to appear in a commercial, only for the Hollywood star to become smitten with the unwanted guest. Comedy, starring Adam Sandler in a dual role, with Katie Holmes and Pacino as himself.

Dirty Dancing- (1987)
18:10 - 19:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
6.9/10 Stars

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This feel-good dance drama works a curious charismatic magic and catapulted the then-unknown Patrick Swayze to stardom. It was intended as a low-budget filler, a tale of sexual awakening at a Jewish holiday camp in 1963, but it became a much-loved blockbuster and kick-started major industry careers for its production team. The casting is perfect, with Swayze playing the sexy bad boy dancing coach and Jennifer Grey as the feisty middle-class teenager, and their relationship never strikes a false note. But what really makes the film unmissable is the fabulous dancing - despite being highly erotic, it's never tacky.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon- (2000)
18:35 - 21:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
7.0/10 Stars

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Based on the novel by Wang Du Lu and exhibiting cinematic influences ranging from John Ford and Akira Kurosawa to The Matrix, this handsome period action romance from director Ang Lee put the art back into martial arts. Those familiar with the works of King Hu and Tsui Hark will revel in the unhurried way he reworks the conventions of the genre to explore the perennial themes of love and loyalty, duty and sacrifice. But Lee also combines brilliant stunt work with special effects to create such memorable sequences as the rooftop pursuit and the treetop battle. Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh excel as the warriors seeking the stolen sword of Green Destiny, but the most electrifying performance is Zhang Ziyi's teenage thief.

Secret Window- (2004)
18:35 - 20:30 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
6.4/10 Stars

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Given his sound treatment of novelist Richard Matheson's chiller Stir of Echoes, you'd have thought director David Koepp would have been more than qualified to create a decent Stephen King adaptation. However, movie history is littered with poor attempts to exploit literary cash cow King, and this lacklustre psychological thriller unfortunately joins them. In another of his eccentric performances, Johnny Depp stars as a successful author whose writer's block is nothing compared to the hell that he encounters when menacing stranger John Turturro accuses him of plagiarism. Ironically, given its storyline, the film unfolds just like another King book, The Dark Half, a weakness that isn't helped by Koepp's heavy signposting of twists. While Depp's emotional seesawing and Turturro's furrow-browed intensity are entertaining in themselves, you can't help wondering what two fine actors are doing in something that feels made for a small-screen audience.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader- (2010)
18:50 - 21:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
6.0/10 Stars

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Wonderful escapist fantasy flows nonstop in the best instalment in the Narnia series to date. Seasoned director Michael Apted (Enigma, The World Is Not Enough) deploys the usual mix of adolescent derring-do, impressive special effects and sledgehammer moral lessons with a captivating dynamism that refreshes the mythic underpinnings of CS Lewis's adventure. In what is the most Tolkienesque of the tales, the two younger Pevensie siblings, Lucy (Georgie Henley) and Edmund (Skandar Keynes), and their insufferable cousin Eustace (an absolutely brilliant Will Poulter) are whisked aboard the buccaneering ship of King Caspian (Ben Barnes, who is significantly better than in the previous film). Caspian is on a quest to find the seven lost lords of Narnia, banished by his evil uncle. needs the children's help on a quest to rid the land of a green mist that makes dark thoughts reality. They must contend with evil slave-traders, a creepy invisible mansion, a mysterious golden dragon and a scary sea serpent on their perilous journey, making for a thrilling and swashbuckling spellbinder.

Meltdown: Days of Destruction- (2006)
19:10 - 20:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
3.2/10 Stars

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A relentless heatwave grips a city as the Earth shifts closer to the sun, sending the population into a frenzied outbreak of crime that a dedicated police officer battles to keep under control. Thriller, starring Casper Van Dien, Venus Terzo, Stefanie von Pfetten and Amanda Crew.

Jack and Jill- (2011)
19:10 - 20:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
4.2/10 Stars

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A successful advertising executive dreads the annual visit from his annoying twin sister, who this time refuses to leave. He fears she will ruin his chances of persuading Al Pacino to appear in a commercial, only for the Hollywood star to become smitten with the unwanted guest. Comedy, starring Adam Sandler in a dual role, with Katie Holmes and Pacino as himself.

Mystery Woman - Vision of a Murder- (2005)
19:10 - 20:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - Five USA
0.0/10 Stars

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Murder mystery starring Kellie Martin and Nina Siemaszko. A bookstore owner and amateur sleuth investigates the murder of the daughter of a dead man with an inheritance. (2005)

The Lone Gun- (1954)
19:20 - 21:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.8/10 Stars

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Trouble occurs when a sheriff courts a rancher's sister and tries to rid a town of ruthless rustlers. Stars George Montgomery. (1954)

The Millionairess- (1960)
20:15 - 22:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
5.3/10 Stars

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An important film for British comedy actor Peter Sellers, this would give him his first really international audience. Sophia Loren was already a Sellers fan and was happy to have him play the Indian doctor opposite her spoiled heiress, in this adaptation of the George Bernard Shaw play. Sellers brings a gentle charm to his character and avoids taking the easy route to laughter by racial caricature. Loren is stunning and excels at the light comedy. Romance blossomed on set between the two and perhaps helped to make plausible the unlikely on-screen romance between the mismatched couple.

Meltdown: Days of Destruction- (2006)
20:15 - 21:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
3.2/10 Stars

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A relentless heatwave grips a city as the Earth shifts closer to the sun, sending the population into a frenzied outbreak of crime that a dedicated police officer battles to keep under control. Thriller, starring Casper Van Dien, Venus Terzo, Stefanie von Pfetten and Amanda Crew.

Mystery Woman - Vision of a Murder- (2005)
20:15 - 21:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Five USA
0.0/10 Stars

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Murder mystery starring Kellie Martin and Nina Siemaszko. A bookstore owner and amateur sleuth investigates the murder of the daughter of a dead man with an inheritance. (2005)

Total Recall- (2012)
21:00 - 22:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
5.8/10 Stars

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A man living in a bleak future years after a nuclear war has fake memories of being a secret agent implanted into his brain. However, the procedure uncovers the fact that he really is a spy with his memory erased, and he is forced to become a fugitive from the totalitarian government. Sci-fi thriller remake, with Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

Pitch Perfect- (2012)
21:00 - 23:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
7.2/10 Stars

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A new student finds herself a social outcast during her first year of college, but soon acquires a new circle of friends in a band of misfits with a shared talent for singing. She forms them into an a cappella group and leads them to compete in the campus music competitions. Comedy, starring Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson and Elizabeth Banks.

My Old Lady- (2014)
21:00 - 22:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
0.0/10 Stars

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Comic relationship drama with Kevin Kline and Maggie Smith. Inheriting a Paris apartment, Mathias 'Jim' Gold arrives to find the place comes with strings attached. [HD] [2014] [AD,S]

Valdez Is Coming- (1971)
21:00 - 22:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
5.1/10 Stars

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This western is notable only for a performance of immense dignity from the great Burt Lancaster as a Mexican-American lawman bent on justice. An unlikely debut for Broadway theatre director Edwin Sherin, who fails to get the most out of the material and quite clearly has no cinema technique. Additionally, the film is crucially under-cast, with a far stronger screen presence than Jon Cypher required as Lancaster's adversary. Only Richard Jordan manages to register among the supports. Shot in Spain, this is a film from a period in Lancaster's career when he simply seemed glad to be working.

Erin Brockovich- (2000)
21:00 - 23:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
7.0/10 Stars

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This has little of the flair we've come to expect from Steven Soderbergh, the Oscar-winning director of Traffic, and it does resemble a standard "issue of the week" TV movie. Yet this drama's ace in the hole is Soderbergh's fellow Oscar winner (for best actress) Julia Roberts, who earns every cent of her $20-million salary in a sensationally showy role as the spirited heroine. A twice-divorced mother of three, Brockovich lands a job in the office of a small-time lawyer (Albert Finney), and there she stumbles across some misplaced medical records while filing real estate documents. Intrigued, she investigates, eventually uncovering evidence that a power company has wrecked the health of a local community with contaminated water. Based on a true story, Soderbergh's emotionally rich drama is compulsive viewing, thanks not only to Roberts's throat-grabbing performance, but also to Finney's lovable turn as the minor-league attorney who's well out of his depth and a perfectly pitched script by Susannah Grant. While the film is too long, it remains compelling throughout.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes- (2014)
21:00 - 23:35 - Sat 25/2/17 - Channel 4
7.4/10 Stars

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A colony of super-intelligent apes thrives following a global virus outbreak that wipes out much of the human race. A survivor tries to make peace with the leader of the apes, but their efforts to reach an understanding are threatened by warmongers on both sides. Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke and Gary Oldman.

eXistenZ- (1999)
21:00 - 22:55 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
6.6/10 Stars

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After an attempt on her life, the designer of a virtual reality game decides to hide inside it for self-protection, persuading her bodyguard to join her. But once inside they are drawn into a surreal world where fact and fiction are impossible to tell apart. Sci-fi thriller, starring Jude Law, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Willem Dafoe and Ian Holm.

William And Catherine: A Royal Romance- (2011)
21:00 - 23:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - True Entertainment
0.0/10 Stars

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Dramatic interpretation of the love story of Prince William (Dan Amboyer) and Kate Middleton (Alice St. Clair) that led to one of the most celebrated weddings in history. (2011)

American Pie- (1999)
21:00 - 22:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
6.4/10 Stars

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The title refers to one of the more eye-widening sequences, in which Jim (Jason Biggs) gets a bit too friendly with his mom's apple pie - if you thought Dumb and Dumber or There's Something about Mary plumbed the depths of grossness, hold on to your lunch, you ain't seen nothing yet. This laughter-packed comedy about four teenage boys who pledge to lose their virginity before prom night has enough crass gags to satisfy the most demanding fans of Porky's-style farces. Yet it also boasts some spot-on performances from a hip young cast that includes Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, Tara Reid and Natasha Lyonne. This is definitely not one to show granny, but must-see fare for those not easily offended.

Kill Bill Vol 1- (2003)
21:00 - 23:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - Dave
7.6/10 Stars

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A female assassin wakes from a four-year coma and promptly sets out on a campaign to wipe out her erstwhile colleagues, who tried to kill her at her own wedding - one of whom is now the kingpin of the Tokyo underworld. The first part of Quentin Tarantino's two-part martial arts thriller, starring Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Vivica A Fox, Daryl Hannah and David Carradine.

Paul- (2010)
21:00 - 23:05 - Sat 25/2/17 - E4
6.4/10 Stars

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An alien held captive in a top secret American military base escapes and hides out in the van of two English comic-book geeks on a tour of UFO hotspots. The wisecracking extraterrestrial enlists the duo's help in getting back to his spaceship, but they are soon pursued by government agents and unwittingly become kidnappers. Sci-fi comedy, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, with the voice of Seth Rogen.

Saturday Night & Sunday Morning- (0)
22:00 - 23:45 - Sat 25/2/17 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1960. Drama. Director: Karel Reisz. Stars Albert Finney, Rachel Roberts, Shirley Anne Field & Hylda Baker. In Nottingham, Arthur works in a mindless haze, but his love affairs cause him complications.

Total Recall- (2012)
22:05 - 23:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
5.8/10 Stars

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A man living in a bleak future years after a nuclear war has fake memories of being a secret agent implanted into his brain. However, the procedure uncovers the fact that he really is a spy with his memory erased, and he is forced to become a fugitive from the totalitarian government. Sci-fi thriller remake, with Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

American Pie- (1999)
22:15 - 23:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 2
6.4/10 Stars

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The title refers to one of the more eye-widening sequences, in which Jim (Jason Biggs) gets a bit too friendly with his mom's apple pie - if you thought Dumb and Dumber or There's Something about Mary plumbed the depths of grossness, hold on to your lunch, you ain't seen nothing yet. This laughter-packed comedy about four teenage boys who pledge to lose their virginity before prom night has enough crass gags to satisfy the most demanding fans of Porky's-style farces. Yet it also boasts some spot-on performances from a hip young cast that includes Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, Tara Reid and Natasha Lyonne. This is definitely not one to show granny, but must-see fare for those not easily offended.

The Boat That Rocked- (2009)
22:45 - 01:10 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV
7.1/10 Stars

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Writer/director Richard Curtis finds himself all at sea with this tribute to the offshore 1960s pirate radio stations that changed the way Britain listened to music. The golden-oldie hits come thick and fast, much like the loose vignettes passed off as plot in this tale of the good ship Radio Rock. The main thrust follows a wayward teenager (Tom Sturridge) who is sent aboard to find direction in his life, and along the way loses his virginity and learns which of the resident superstar DJs is his father. Other narrative threads add little to the excessive running time, with the dolly-bird craziness seeming daft even by Swinging Sixties standards. There's a decent cast though, including an amiably louche Bill Nighy as the station boss and Kenneth Branagh as the uptight MP trying to ban the broadcasts. It's just a shame that nominal star Philip Seymour Hoffman has so little to do as "god of the airwaves" The Count. Those who secretly tuned in their transistors back in the day will view Curtis's unfocused film as a missed opportunity. Everyone else will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Man Of The East- (1974)
22:55 - 01:40 - Sat 25/2/17 - Movies4Men
6.6/10 Stars

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Three outlaws transform a bookish dude into a true western hero. Stars Terence Hill. (1974)

Wolf Creek 2- (2013)
22:55 - 01:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - Horror Channel
5.8/10 Stars

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Brutal Aussie sequel. A young man takes on a sadistic killer who lives in a booby-trapped lair in the Australian outback.

Red Heat- (1988)
23:00 - 00:00 - Sat 25/2/17 - ITV 4
5.7/10 Stars

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This routine fish-out-of-water thriller from director Walter Hill offered Arnold Schwarzenegger one of his more interesting action roles before he became a superstar. Playing a stony, monosyllabic Soviet cop poses no real acting problems for the big man, and in James Belushi he has an agreeably foul-mouthed foil, as the pair team up to hunt for an escaped Russian drug dealer. Hill stages a series of entertainingly violent and increasingly silly set pieces, and there's an eclectic support cast that includes Peter Boyle, Gina Gershon and Laurence Fishburne, when he was still calling himself Larry.

Takers- (2010)
23:15 - 00:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - 5*
6.1/10 Stars

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This take on the classic cop v robbers formula makes for handsome, smart and fast-paced entertainment. Idris Elba and Paul Walker lead a veritable Rat Pack of robbers, whose meticulously organised bank heists allow them to live the high life. Matt Dillon is the detective obsessed with finding them, all the while providing support to his troubled police partner (Jay Hernandez). When the gang are tempted into pulling one more, lucrative job by a former associate, the scene is set for a showdown. There's a pleasing, easy chemistry about Elba and co, which is only undermined by Tip "TI" Harris's terrible gangsta performance as the interloper in the outfit. It's also very much a movie for the boys, with Zoë Saldana offered little to do as the beauty caught between rivals and Marianne Jean-Baptiste hemmed in as Elba's junkie sister. Still, Takers compensates with its edge-of-the-seat thrills and rollicking action.

It Follows- (2014)
23:15 - 01:20 - Sat 25/2/17 - Film 4
6.7/10 Stars

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(2014) Disturbing supernatural horror starring Maika Monroe. A high-school teen inherits a terrible curse after sleeping with her boyfriend. Sex/sexual violence/violence/strong language.

Albert Nobbs- (2011)
23:30 - 01:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - BBC 2
6.2/10 Stars

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A woman in 19th-century Ireland has lived in disguise as a man for 30 years, holding down a job as a butler at a Dublin hotel. She meets a married house painter whom she discovers is a fellow cross-dresser, and is inspired by her new friend's happy life to seek a wife of her own. Period drama, starring Glenn Close, Mia Wasikowska, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Janet McTeer.

Surrogates- (2009)
23:35 - 01:15 - Sat 25/2/17 - Channel 4
5.8/10 Stars

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This intriguing sci-fi thriller poses some big questions regarding the future for communications technology and what, indeed, it means to be human. In a world where much of the population has robotic alter egos to take care of their day-to-day work, a dogged police detective discovers a potentially lethal glitch in the connection between humans and their "surrogates". Since Bruce Willis does no-nonsense, world-weary lawmen to a tee, his very presence signals that all is not well in this brave new world of "surries" - whose chiselled, bodacious forms represent the users' idealised versions of themselves (Willis's model even has a thick head of hair!). A murder case where the destruction of a party-going surrogate also effects a splattery demise for its human master sets in motion what becomes an increasingly plodding conspiracy plot. The requisite car chases and fisticuffs are present and correct, yet it's the underlying story of Willis's failing relationship with wife Rosamund Pike (who's excellent) that adds a resonant emotional layer not often found in popcorn action flicks.

Ray- (2004)
23:45 - 02:50 - Sat 25/2/17 - Sony Movie Channel
7.1/10 Stars

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Sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll (or, in Ray Charles's case, soul, gospel, blues and even a little bit of country) are the basic ingredients for a biopic of just about any popular singer from the last 50 years or so. Childhood poverty and tragedy are standard extras, and racial prejudice is not unfamiliar territory. Throw in blindness and you are in danger of producing an indigestible mixture of cliché and sentimentality. Taylor Hackford's movie avoids that trap, beginning with the 17-year-old Ray setting out in search of fame and fortune and ending with him established as one of America's most successful entertainers. Flashbacks fill in the gaps. Charles emerges as a hugely original talent (his recordings are used throughout the film) and a sympathetic human being, despite his heroin addiction and serial adultery. This is thanks to the assured script and direction, and to star Jamie Foxx - his Ray is not just an uncanny impersonation, but a great performance.