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Johnny English Reborn- (2011)
16:35 - 18:40 - Film 4
6.0/10 Stars

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A bumbling secret agent retires to a Tibetan monastery in disgrace after a mission goes wrong. He is lured out of seclusion by the chance to redeem himself when his former bosses seek his help in foiling an attempt to assassinate the premier of China. Spy comedy sequel, starring Rowan Atkinson, Gillian Anderson, Rosamund Pike and Dominic West.


Trapped in Space- (1994)
16:55 - 18:40 - Horror Channel
1.3/10 Stars

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A Venus-bound shuttle is hit by an asteroid, leaving only enough oxygen for three people and creating an agonising dilemma for the five-strong crew. Sci-fi adventure, starring, starring Jack Wagner, Jack Coleman and Sigrid Thornton.


Danielle Steel's Vanished- (1995)
17:00 - 19:00 - True Entertainment
5.5/10 Stars

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George Hamilton reveals that beneath the tan there beats the heart of a heel in this TV movie based on another novel by the queen of popular fiction. Marielle Delauney's first marriage crumbles after she and her husband lose their only son in an accident. Years later, Marielle (played by Lisa Rinna) has remarried (to old smoothy George) and borne another child, but when the boy is kidnapped, suspicion falls on her ex, who's mysteriously back on the scene. Airplane!'s Robert Hays pops up as the cop on the case, but can do little to enliven proceedings and the movie plods tearfully towards its conclusion. Director George Kaczender works overtime to make us believe in this melodramatic tosh and its cardboard characters, but for all his efforts this is tiresome viewing.


Run Silent, Run Deep- (1958)
17:10 - 19:05 - Movies4Men
6.9/10 Stars

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A US submarine commander creates tension with his fellow crew members as be becomes increasingly obsessed with tracking down an enemy ship. Stars Clark Gable and Burt Lancaster. (1958)


The Illusionist- (2005)
17:20 - 18:25 - Channel 5
7.0/10 Stars

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Nothing is what it seems in writer/director Neil Burger's gorgeously mounted sleight-of-hand confection set in 1900s Vienna. Edward Norton stars as Eisenheim, an almost supernaturally talented magician, whose growing popularity and fatal attraction to his childhood sweetheart Sophie (Jessica Biel) bring him into tragic conflict with sadistic Austro-Hungarian royal Rufus Sewell. Paul Giamatti completes a quartet of exceptional performances as the police inspector investigating Eisenheim's apparent ability to conjure the spirits of the dead. Burger keeps the guessing game going over Norton's gifts: is he just a clever trickster or does he indeed control darker sorcerous forces? The closing moments reveal everything. Technically, the film's fabulous Philip Glass score complements the sumptuous cinematography and production design. It's both a compelling celebration of magic in all its forms and a testament to the enduring power of love.


Nanny McPhee- (2005)
17:50 - 18:45 - ITV 2
6.1/10 Stars

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Naughty children learn valuable life lessons in this lively family fantasy written by and starring Emma Thompson. Adapted from Christianna Brand's Nurse Matilda books, it's the story of seven Victorian youngsters whose behaviour is so beastly that they've driven away 17 nannies. Their conduct worsens when they learn that their widowed father (Colin Firth) is planning to remarry, however salvation is at hand in the form of stern and comically ugly Nanny McPhee (Thompson). Armed with a magic stick, mysterious McPhee is like an updated Mary Poppins, turning her charges' antics against them in a series of darkly amusing sequences. Though the over-tens might find the feature a tad twee, younger viewers will love its imaginative mayhem and mischievous dialogue. Stylistically, too, the movie is delightful, with an exaggerated fairy-tale look that complements the deliberately pantomimic performances. Ultimately, the conclusion may seem mawkish and predictable, but they're forgivable flaws in an otherwise well-pitched production.


The Green Berets- (1968)
18:20 - 20:00 - ITV 4
5.6/10 Stars

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Most of the films made about the American involvement in Vietnam are highly critical and were produced long after the American withdrawal from that shameful conflict. John Wayne, however, saw Vietnam as a new Alamo, staunch Republican that he was, and both starred in and co-directed this flag-waving action adventure. There's no denying the epic sweep of the Panavision action scenes, but even for Duke fans this is heavy-going, thick-eared nonsense. It's impossible to divorce the movie from the man, and Vietnam was nobody's Alamo. If you close your mind, you could try watching it as a transplanted western, but who can close their mind to the true horrors of such a conflict?


Beautiful Creatures- (2013)
18:40 - 21:00 - Film 4
5.5/10 Stars

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A teenager falls in love with a new girl in his school, only to discover she is a witch. As dark secrets from her family's past emerge, they discover that on her 16th birthday, she will be required to choose a side in a conflict between good and evil. Fantasy, starring Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson.


Masque of the Red Death- (1964)
18:40 - 20:30 - Horror Channel
0.0/10 Stars

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Grim tale of terror directed by Roger Corman and based on Edgar Allan Poe's short story, starring Vincent Price. A Satan-worshipping prince hosts a debauched masked ball amid a deadly plague. (1964)


Kindergarten Cop- (1990)
18:45 - 19:40 - ITV 2
5.7/10 Stars

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This undemanding picture proves that Arnold Schwarzenegger can do comedy, providing he doesn't try too hard. As the cop forced to teach toddlers while searching for a crook's missing son, Arnie is at his best jousting with the little tykes (surprisingly few of whom have gone on to become major child stars). The romance with Penelope Ann Miller is less convincing, but not over-intrusive. Richard Tyson and Carroll Baker make almost pantomime baddies, but this isn't really a children's film and parents should keep the channel-changer handy for the more violent bits.


Legion of the Damned- (1969)
19:05 - 21:00 - Movies4Men
0.0/10 Stars

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An army colonel is angry with his superiors after his entire platoon is slaughtered by the Germans in what he saw as a suicide mission. So for his next mission, he takes along a platoon a convicted criminals - to prepare the Normandy beaches for the D-Day landings. Wartime drama, starring Jack Palance and Curd Jurgens.


The Karate Kid- (2010)
19:15 - 22:00 - E4
6.1/10 Stars

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A spoilt American kid is transplanted to China in this fun remake of the 1984 children's favourite. Dre (Jaden Smith, son of Will and Jada Pinkett) moves from Detroit to Beijing with his widowed mother (Taraji P Henson of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), only to find himself up against the school bullies in a martial arts tournament. Jackie Chan keeps his usual ebullience under wraps as Mr Han, the quiet janitor who becomes Dre's reluctant trainer. The action sequences, as expected with Chan, are amazing. These, along with a snappy pace, stunning locations and credible performances, counterbalance the film's overlong running time. Thanks to a tight script, even fans of the original franchise will find the ending stirring and surprising. Sticklers will, however, love pointing out that what Mr Han teaches Dre is not karate, but kung fu.


The Green Man- (1990)
19:30 - 21:05 - Talking Pictures
6.0/10 Stars

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1956. Comedy. Stars Alastair Sim, Raymond Huntley, George Cole & Terry-Thomas. A watchmaker turns out to be an assassin whose target is a leading politician but his plans are stalled.


The Man Who Would Be King- (1975)
19:35 - 21:40 - BBC 4
7.1/10 Stars

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This colourful movie version of Rudyard Kipling's right royal 19th-century adventure stars Sean Connery and Michael Caine as the veteran army squaddies who bamboozle a remote mountain tribe in Afghanistan into accepting Connery's regal credentials. Greed and circumstances topple the comic elements of the tale into a serious fable about the vanity of human endeavour and the folly of imperialism, in keeping with Kipling's original story and the philosophy of director John Huston's greatest movies. Huston matches character to action in masterly fashion, aided by the brief bonus of an aloof commentary on the situation by Christopher Plummer, as Kipling himself. This is packed with sly dialogue and memorable scenes, topped off by a stirring score from Maurice Jarre.

Kindergarten Cop- (1990)
19:45 - 21:00 - ITV 2
5.7/10 Stars

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This undemanding picture proves that Arnold Schwarzenegger can do comedy, providing he doesn't try too hard. As the cop forced to teach toddlers while searching for a crook's missing son, Arnie is at his best jousting with the little tykes (surprisingly few of whom have gone on to become major child stars). The romance with Penelope Ann Miller is less convincing, but not over-intrusive. Richard Tyson and Carroll Baker make almost pantomime baddies, but this isn't really a children's film and parents should keep the channel-changer handy for the more violent bits.

Avatar- (2009)
21:00 - 00:10 - Film 4
7.1/10 Stars

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Think Dances with Wolves in space (and in 3D) and you'll have the measure of this blockbuster from James Cameron, his first full feature since Titanic a dozen years earlier. Sam Worthington stars as a paraplegic US marine drafted to distant planet Pandora to gain the trust of the Na'vi, the blue-skinned indigenous race whose homeland lies above a large deposit of a rare and valuable mineral. There's nothing groundbreaking about the plot, with many of Cameron's favourite themes in evidence: trigger-happy marines; love in a time of chaos; man alone in a hostile environment. Sigourney Weaver is abrasive as a brash scientist, and with CCH Pounder and Wes Studi as the Na'vi clan's matriarch and patriarch, there's no shortage of acting talent to grapple with the lengthy script. And yet, as a motion-captured Worthington - controlling an alien body (or Avatar) through telepathy - is tutored in the clan's mystical ways by chief's daughter Zoë Saldana, it's the breathtakingly beautiful CGI landscape that somehow pulls the audience in on this tale of profit and progress versus nature's power and infinite variety.

Age of Heroes- (2011)
21:00 - 22:55 - Movies4Men
5.6/10 Stars

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A British army corporal is recruited into an elite commando unit under the command of a battle-hardened major during the Second World War. The soldiers are sent on a dangerous mission into occupied Norway to capture a vital German radar installation. Action adventure, with Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, Izabella Miko and James D'Arcy.

The Reef- (2010)
21:00 - 22:45 - Horror Channel
5.3/10 Stars

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Five friends end up adrift at sea when their boat capsizes. They decide to swim for a nearby island while they still can, but as they make their way to land, a predatory great white shark begins following them and picking them off one by one. Thriller, starring Damian Walshe-Howling and Gyton Grantley.

Rattle Of A Simple Man- (0)
21:05 - 23:00 - Talking Pictures
6.1/10 Stars

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1964. Drama. Director: Oscar winning Muriel Box. Stars Harry H. Corbett, Diane Cilento, Thora Hird & Michael Medwin. Daring romance between a shy northern football fan and a worldly London prostitute.

Crank- (2006)
22:00 - 23:00 - ITV 4
6.5/10 Stars

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Co-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor betray their roots in commercials with this nonstop barrage of flashy tricks and breakneck action in which visual and narrative absurdity vie with each other on an insanely epic scale. Trash antihero icon Jason Statham (The Transporter) plays a retired hitman injected with poison. If his adrenaline level falls he'll die - something that must not happen until he's slain the LA crime syndicate boss responsible. To keep his heart rate up he ingests every drug going and, in a hilarious highlight, has public sex in Chinatown with girlfriend Amy Smart. It's Speed with a man instead of a bus, and nothing is sacred or even realistic - from Statham performing motorcycle stunts almost naked to calmly using his mobile while freefalling through the air. As fun bad movies go, this split-screen, hyper-kinetic comic strip revs up the entertainment value to lunatic "anything goes" levels. But taken seriously, it's just a violent and vulgar distraction.

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead- (2009)
22:45 - 00:35 - Horror Channel
4.7/10 Stars

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Four students are attacked by inbred mutant cannibals, and only one escapes with her life, fleeing into the wilderness. Later, a prison bus crashes in the area and the convicts make a break for it, only to run into the survivor who tries to warn them of the danger they are in - but it is too late, as the cannibals are already closing in for the kill. Horror sequel, starring Tom Frederic and Janet Montgomery.

The Night of the Generals- (1966)
22:55 - 01:40 - Movies4Men
6.0/10 Stars

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A German secret agent goes on the trail of a psychotic killer targeting prostitutes in occupied Warsaw, but an identical murder in Paris two years later directs the finger of suspicion toward a high-ranking Nazi general. Second World War mystery, starring Peter O'Toole, Omar Sharif, Donald Pleasence, Tom Courtenay and Christopher Plummer.

A Touch of Love- (0)
23:00 - 01:10 - Talking Pictures
0.0/10 Stars

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1969. Drama. Director: Waris Hussein. Stars Sandy Dennis, Ian McKellen & Eleanor Bron. Based on 'The Millstone¿. A Philosophy student falls pregnant after a one night stand with a gay TV presenter.

Murder among Friends- (2001)
23:00 - 01:00 - True Entertainment
5.9/10 Stars

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This offbeat comedy thriller may lack star wattage, but it partially atones for that in brio. Greg Evigan is still best known for TV series like BJ and the Bear and My Two Dads, while Donnamarie Recco will be vaguely familiar from playing Sheila in Analyze This (1999) and Analyze That (2002). But they make a tolerable team, as Recco's Sophia Loren wannabe joins forces with Evigan's world-weary detective after one of her acting school classmates is arrested for the murder of his father. The real culprit is pretty obvious, but the movie makes no claims to Agatha Christie-style sophistication.

Crank- (2006)
23:05 - 23:50 - ITV 4
6.5/10 Stars

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Co-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor betray their roots in commercials with this nonstop barrage of flashy tricks and breakneck action in which visual and narrative absurdity vie with each other on an insanely epic scale. Trash antihero icon Jason Statham (The Transporter) plays a retired hitman injected with poison. If his adrenaline level falls he'll die - something that must not happen until he's slain the LA crime syndicate boss responsible. To keep his heart rate up he ingests every drug going and, in a hilarious highlight, has public sex in Chinatown with girlfriend Amy Smart. It's Speed with a man instead of a bus, and nothing is sacred or even realistic - from Statham performing motorcycle stunts almost naked to calmly using his mobile while freefalling through the air. As fun bad movies go, this split-screen, hyper-kinetic comic strip revs up the entertainment value to lunatic "anything goes" levels. But taken seriously, it's just a violent and vulgar distraction.

Pandaemonium- (2000)
23:05 - 01:05 - BBC 4
1.0/10 Stars

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Drama celebrating the volatile relationship between poets Samuel Coleridge and William Wordsworth, played out against the background of the French Revolution. [2000] [S]

The Hurt Locker- (2008)
23:05 - 01:30 - Channel 4
7.2/10 Stars

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Point Break director Kathryn Bigelow's 2004-set account of the lives of a US Army bomb-disposal squad in Iraq focuses on the men who voluntarily put themselves next to deadly IEDs (improvised explosive devices), as well as re-creating the terrifying, chaotic Baghdad in which they work. Covering the last 38 days the squad has left in Iraq, the film follows the contrasting attitude and philosophies of a trio of soldiers, including the risk-taking Staff Sgt William James (Jeremy Renner), all of whom are aware that every job they do is potentially their last. Bigelow, one of the very few women working in the traditionally male-dominated action and war genres, avoids both red wire/yellow wire cliché and political preaching to deliver a film that is as psychologically fascinating as it is taut and exciting. Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pearce are among the well-known faces in smaller roles.

Winter's Bone- (2010)
23:50 - 01:25 - BBC 1
6.7/10 Stars

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The dilapidated American shanty towns of the Ozarks region provide the setting for this excellent, award-winning thriller. Jennifer Lawrence (so good in 2008's The Burning Plain) gives a superb performance in her first starring role as Ree Dolly, an older-than-her-years teenager who is forced to take charge of her flaky mother and much younger siblings when her drug-dealing father jumps bail and goes on the run. As he had put the family home up as collateral for his bail, Bree makes it her mission to find him before they are evicted. However, she uncovers a local conspiracy of silence and finds that blood ties mean nothing in an area swamped with poverty, where the only industry is the production of the lethal illegal high, crystal meth. The film never flinches from the ugliness of its details - Bree guts and cooks squirrel for her starving family - but Lawrence's mature and inspiring determination makes this much, much more than a grim skid-row whodunnit.

Barb Wire- (1995)
23:50 - 00:50 - ITV 4
4.2/10 Stars

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"Don't call me babe!" scowls Pamela Anderson Lee, as she roves around Steel Harbor zapping agents of the Congressional Directorate. OK, providing you don't ask us to call this insulting reworking of Casablanca a film. Betraying his pop-video background with just about every shot, director David Hogan clearly isn't interested in storytelling, which is just as well as he doesn't have much of a tale to tell. Even amid the devastation of a second American Civil War, surely more will stand between the people and tyranny than magical contact lenses? Despite being treated like a computer generated cartoon, Pam takes it all in surprisingly good part.

Tormented- (2009)
00:05 - 01:35 - BBC 2
5.1/10 Stars

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In director Jon Wright's slick feature debut, a bullied schoolboy returns from the dead to take violent revenge on the classmates who drove him to suicide. But is the "zombie ghost" real or just a figment of the guilty students' consciences? Wright gives a cynical British slant to glossy American high-school horrors such as Carrie and The Faculty, and is aided by a referential script from Stephen Prentice that's full of sarcastic wit and cruel humour. Alex Pettyfer (Stormbreaker) stands out among the good-looking young cast that also features alumni from TV's Skins and Grange Hill. The tit-for-tat retribution deaths ingeniously geared around playground urban myths (pencils up the nose, eyes flicked out with towels) make this smartly satirical morality tale a scary but diverting experience.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance- (2012)
00:10 - 02:00 - Film 4
4.8/10 Stars

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The demon biker roams Eastern Europe, looking for a way to rid himself of his supernatural alter ego. He is approached by a mysterious monk, who needs help protecting a boy from the horrific destiny the Devil has in store for him. Fantasy thriller sequel, starring Nicolas Cage, Idris Elba, Ciaran Hinds and Christopher Lambert.

Savaged- (2013)
00:35 - 02:30 - Horror Channel
5.6/10 Stars

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A deaf mute woman is raped and murdered, then buried in a shallow grave. A Native American shaman tries to restore her to life, but instead her body is possessed by the angry spirit of an Apache warrior, who seeks to avenge her death - but finds time is short as her decomposing body will not last long. Horror, starring Amanda Adrienne and Joseph Runningfox.

Barb Wire- (1995)
00:55 - 01:55 - ITV 4
4.2/10 Stars

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"Don't call me babe!" scowls Pamela Anderson Lee, as she roves around Steel Harbor zapping agents of the Congressional Directorate. OK, providing you don't ask us to call this insulting reworking of Casablanca a film. Betraying his pop-video background with just about every shot, director David Hogan clearly isn't interested in storytelling, which is just as well as he doesn't have much of a tale to tell. Even amid the devastation of a second American Civil War, surely more will stand between the people and tyranny than magical contact lenses? Despite being treated like a computer generated cartoon, Pam takes it all in surprisingly good part.

Dying to Belong- (1997)
01:00 - 03:00 - True Entertainment
7.0/10 Stars

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A student joins a university sorority under pressure from her mother, and is exposed to dangerous and humiliating initiation rituals. Later, when her friend dies in a fall from the clock tower, she refuses to believe it was a suicide and vows to expose the truth surrounding the sorority's bizarre and dark traditions. Psychological thriller, with Hilary Swank, Sarah Chalke, Jenna Von Oy and Mark Paul Gosselaar.

The Flesh is Weak- (0)
01:10 - 03:00 - Talking Pictures
6.5/10 Stars

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1957. Drama. Director: Don Chaffey. Stars John Derek, Milly Vitale & William Franklyn. Giani is a pimp who preys on the naive, 'just off the bus' young women who come to post-war London for work.

A Walk in the Sun- (1945)
01:40 - 04:00 - Movies4Men
4.0/10 Stars

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A US Army infantry patrol joins the 1943 invasion of Italy, and a series of casualties leaves a corporal in charge of the men. They are selected for a special mission to seize a farmhouse that German forces have turned into a fortified hideout. Second World War adventure, starring Dana Andrews, Richard Conte and Sterling Holloway.

A Better Life- (2011)
02:00 - 04:00 - Film 4
6.6/10 Stars

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An illegal Mexican immigrant in Los Angeles works hard as a gardener to secure a good future for his teenage son. His dreams of earning enough to move to a better area are threatened by the danger of being caught by immigration officials and street gangs trying to lure his son into a life of crime. Drama, with Demian Bichir and Jose Julian.

Build My Gallows High- (1947)
02:15 - 03:45 - BBC 4
6.8/10 Stars

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Also known as Out of the Past, this classic 1940s film noir contains a memorably languid performance by Robert Mitchum as the ultra-hard-boiled former private eye who falls for the woman (Jane Greer) he's been hired to track by gangster Kirk Douglas. Unfairly underrated for many years, this is in fact a stylish, atmospheric, highly watchable and strongly recommended movie from director Jacques Tourneur, who also made horror classics I Walked with a Zombie, Cat People and Night of the Demon. The film's scriptwriter, Daniel Mainwaring (writing here under the name Geoffrey Homes), also penned the sci-fi gem Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It was remade in 1984 as the inferior Against All Odds (with Jeff Bridges and Rachel Ward).

Embrace of the Vampire- (2013)
02:30 - 04:20 - Horror Channel
4.9/10 Stars

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A shy teen fresh from Catholic school starts life at a co-ed university, but things take a dark turn when she realises that she has been followed by an ancient evil force. Horror, starring Sharon Hinnendael, Kaniehtiio Horn, CC Sheffield and Chelsey Reist.

Au-pair Girls- (0)
03:00 - 04:40 - Talking Pictures
4.7/10 Stars

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1972. Adult Comedy. Director: Val Guest. A detailed investigation of the 70¿s Au Pairs, leaving no stone unturned and milking every situation. Stars Gabrielle Drake, Johnny Briggs & Richard O'Sullivan